Your potted plants stay alive.
Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6:00 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.
You carry an umbrella.
You watch the Weather Channel.
Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook-up and break-up.
You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
You’re the one calling the police because those damn kids next door don’t know how to turn down the stereo.
Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds.
Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.
You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
Dinner and a movie – The whole date instead of the beginning of one.
MTV News is no longer your primary source for information.
You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits.
A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good stuff.”
You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
Grocery lists are longer than macaroni and cheese, Diet Pepsi and Ho-ho’s.
“I just can’t drink the way I used to,” replaces, “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
You don’t get liquored up at home, to save money, before going to a bar.
It takes you all night to do what you used to do all night.