Farm Friends

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day, the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.

Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer’s new Z-3 series BMW.

Finding the keys inside, the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping he still had time to save his friend’s life. Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive in the shiny BMW, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.

After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer’s car, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful car, rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken drove the BMW back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his “thing” and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story?

When you’re hung like a horse, you don’t need a BMW to pick up chicks.

The Man and his Farm

There was once a man who owned a farm. One day, he decided to buy some animals for his farm. He went to the animal mall.

He spotted a chicken. He said to the owner, “I would like to buy that chicken.” The owner replied, “Its called a poulet (prounounced pull-it)” The farmer bought it, and then went to a rooster shop. The owner said, “Its called a cock, not a rooster” so the owner bought that too. On the way home, he saw a man selling a donkey. He said, “I would like the buy that donkey”, but the man said, “the correct term is ‘ass’, not ‘donkey'”, so the farmer bought the ass also. The seller quickly added, “once in a while, give him a scratch behind the ears, he likes that.

The farmer then said, “alright, would you please hold my cock and poulet while I scratch my ass?”

Little Red Riding Hood

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.

“My what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf,” says Little Red Riding Hood. The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away!!!

Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again; this time he is crouched behind a tree stump.

“My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf,” says Little Red Riding Hood. Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away. About 2 miles down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf this time crouched down behind a road sign.

“My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf,” taunts Little Red Riding Hood.

With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams…

“Will you get lost! I’m trying to poop!”

A Dog’s Normal Day

1. Rise at 5:30 and Wet-nose the master.

2. Go you and Pee on the world.

3. Make Poopy.

4. Sniff Poopy.

5. Seriously consider eating poopy.

6. Eat funny looking bug instead.

7. Throw up bug parts on living room rug.

8. Drink out of ‘magic well’

9. Sleep for 17 hours. Start process over.

(Optional: 10. Roll around in filth and lavish master with kisses.)