Gorilla Removal

A man walks out to his backyard one morning, looks up in his tree, and sees a gorilla. Not knowing what else to do, he goes inside and looks in the yellow pages, and, sure enough, there’s one entry under gorilla removal.

So he calls and talks to the owner of the business. The businessman says “Well, do you know if it’s a male or a female gorilla?” The homeowner says he thinks it’s a male. The businessman says “O.K., no problem, I’ll be right over.”

About 30 minutes later, a truck shows up at the man’s house, a guy gets out

Bill Clinton and the Pig

Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.

Bill told his driver to go up to the farm house and explain to the owners what had happened.

About 1 hour later Bill sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn. “What happened to you?”, asked Bill.

“Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the Cigar and his 19 year old daughter made mad passionate love to me,” said the driver.

“My God, what did you tell them?”, asks Clinton. The driver replies, “I’m Bill Clinton’s driver, and I just killed the pig.”