Blonde and the Breath Test

One day a cop pulled over a blonde for speeding. When he got to the car he asked for her license. She said “whats that?” The cop said “It’s in your wallet.” Then he asked for her registration. She said “Whats that?” The cop said “It’s in your glove department.” When the cop reported her in the cop at the station said “Walk up to her and drop your pants!” So the cop walked up to the blonde and dropped his pants. Then she said, “Ahh no not another breath test!”

The Blonde That Couldn’t Kill Herself

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

“How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her.

“Well, I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied.

“What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?”

“No, Silly!” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest.”

“So then?” asked the doctor.

“Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.”

“So then?”

“Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.”

Tiger Puzzle

One morning this blonde calls her friend and says: “Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to start it.”

Her friend asks, “What is it a puzzle of?”

The blonde says, “From the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”

The blonde’s friend figures that he’s pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box.

He then turns to her and says: “First, no matter what I do, I’m not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger.”

“Second, I’d advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.”