Two blondes walked into a bar … you would think one of them would see it.
One day a cop pulled over a blonde for speeding. When he got to the car he asked for her license. She said “whats that?” The cop said “It’s in your wallet.” Then he asked for her registration. She said “Whats that?” The cop said “It’s in your glove department.” When the cop reported her in the cop at the station said “Walk up to her and drop your pants!” So the cop walked up to the blonde and dropped his pants. Then she said, “Ahh no not another breath test!”
Question: How do you get a one arm blonde out of a tree?
Answer: You wave at her.
Q: If you have four blondes as guests and you
have only one chair, how are you going to give them a sit?
A: You just turn the chair over!
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run because she has a grenade in her mouth!
Q: What’s a blonde favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Hump me, dump me.
Q: What do you call a blonde with pigtails?
A: A blowjob with handle bars.
These two blondes went fishing. They rented a boat and rowed out into the middle of the lake. They were doing really well-pulling fish in left and right for about 3 hours. One blonde even had to go rent another boat to hold all the fish they were pulling in!!!
“Mark this spot somehow,” one blonde said to the other. “I would like to fish this well again, this seems to be our lucky spot!” she said beaming. The other blonde smiled proudly and replied, “already did, when you went for the second boat!” “Cool!”
So the blondes continued for another couple hours. After that, they got tired, so they turned in the boats and packed up the fish. On the way back to their shared apartment one blonde said curiously, “How’d you mark the spot?”
“I put a BIG ‘x’ mark on the bottom of the boat!”
The other blonde smacked her in the back of the head.
“You idiot!” she exclaimed. “What if we don’t get the same boat?”
Q: Why did the blonde die in the back of the truck?
A: Because she couldn’t open the tailgate!
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
“How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her.
“Well, I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied.
“What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?”
“No, Silly!” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest.”
“So then?” asked the doctor.
“Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.”
“Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.”