Tiger’s Tees

Taking a wee break from the golf circuit, Tiger Woods drives his new Buick to an Irish gas station. The attendant greets him in typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro is “Top o’ the morning, shall I filler er up?”

Tiger nods yes and gets out of the car and two tees fall out of his pocket.

“So what are those, son?” asks the attendant.

“They’re called tees,” replies Tiger.

And what would ya be usin ’em for, now?” inquires the Irishman.

“Well, they’re for resting my balls on when I drive,” replies Tiger.

“Jaysus, Mary and Joseph!” exclaims the Irish attendant. “Those fellas at Buick think of everything”.

Golfer’s Confession

On their honeymoon the new husband told his bride, “I have a confession that should have made before, but I was concerned that it might affect our relationship.”

“What is it?” she asked.

“I’m a golfer,” he said. “What’s the big deal about that?” she asked.

He replied, “When I say I’m a golfer, I mean that I’ll
be on the course Saturday, Sunday, Wednesday afternoon, and any holidays. If it comes to a choice between your wishes and golf — golf wins.”

She pondered a moment and said, “I thank you for your honesty. In the same spirit of honesty, I should tell you that I’ve concealed something about my own past that
you should know about. I’m a hooker.”

“No problem,” was his response, “just widen your stance a little and overlap your grip and that should clear right up.”

How Indians get their names

Picture in your mind, an indian village. There is a fire in the middle of the camp, and several tee-pees surrounding it. Two of the villagers are sitting outside a tee-pee. A father and his son.

The son asks his father, “Father, how do we indians get our names?” His father replied, “Well, when your older brother was born, I looked outside the tee-pee, and the first thing I saw was a running deer. So your brother’s name became Running Deer. When your sister was born, early in the morning, I looked outside the teepee, and the first thing I saw was the morning star. So, your sisters name became morning star.”

There was a long pause, and then his father asked, “By the way, why do you ask such a question Two Dogs Fucking?”

Duck

Joe died.

Before entering heaven, Joe stopped at the gates. The gate master then told him that here, in heaven, there was only one rule. “Don’t step on the ducks!”

Joe nodded in agreement. This shouldn’t be too hard, right? Well, once inside the gates of heaven, Joe met two men. After conversing with them for quite some time, the three decided to see what would happen if they stepped on a duck. So one of Joe’s friends did, and as soon as it happened, two angels came down and magically cuffed the man to the ugliest woman ever. It was punishment.

A couple weeks later, Joe’s other friend suffered the same fate.

Walking along, one day, Joe was picked up by two angels and cuffed to a glorious, sexy woman who he would gladly go to bed with.

Curiously, he asked. “Why have I been hand cuffed to such a gorgeous woman?”

The woman rolled her eyes and replied.

“I don’t know, I stepped on a duck.”

Lawyer at a Party

A young lawyer is at a party with some of his friends when a girl comes along with a plate of chips.

The girl offers the chips around and everyone in turn takes a chip.

The girl offers the chips around a second time and again everyone takes one.

Finally the girl decides to offer the chips around a third time. Again everyone accepts until she reaches the lawyer.
“What is this!” he says, somewhat bothered “Do you think I’m some kind of food goblin?!”