Two blondes walked into a bar … you would think one of them would see it.
Blonde and the Breath Test
One day a cop pulled over a blonde for speeding. When he got to the car he asked for her license. She said “whats that?” The cop said “It’s in your wallet.” Then he asked for her registration. She said “Whats that?” The cop said “It’s in your glove department.” When the cop reported her in the cop at the station said “Walk up to her and drop your pants!” So the cop walked up to the blonde and dropped his pants. Then she said, “Ahh no not another breath test!”
One Armed Blonde
Question: How do you get a one arm blonde out of a tree?
Answer: You wave at her.
Four Blondes and a Chair
Q: If you have four blondes as guests and you
have only one chair, how are you going to give them a sit?
A: You just turn the chair over!
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run because she has a grenade in her mouth!
Blonde’s Favorite Nursery Rhyme
Q: What’s a blonde favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Hump me, dump me.
Blonde with Pigtails
Q: What do you call a blonde with pigtails?
A: A blowjob with handle bars.
Blonde in the Truck
Q: Why did the blonde die in the back of the truck?
A: Because she couldn’t open the tailgate!
These two blondes went fishing. They rented a boat and rowed out into the middle of the lake. They were doing really well-pulling fish in left and right for about 3 hours. One blonde even had to go rent another boat to hold all the fish they were pulling in!!!
“Mark this spot somehow,” one blonde said to the other. “I would like to fish this well again, this seems to be our lucky spot!” she said beaming. The other blonde smiled proudly and replied, “already did, when you went for the second boat!” “Cool!”
So the blondes continued for another couple hours. After that, they got tired, so they turned in the boats and packed up the fish. On the way back to their shared apartment one blonde said curiously, “How’d you mark the spot?”
“I put a BIG ‘x’ mark on the bottom of the boat!”
The other blonde smacked her in the back of the head.
“You idiot!” she exclaimed. “What if we don’t get the same boat?”
One morning this blonde calls her friend and says: “Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to start it.”
Her friend asks, “What is it a puzzle of?”
The blonde says, “From the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”
The blonde’s friend figures that he’s pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box.
He then turns to her and says: “First, no matter what I do, I’m not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger.”
“Second, I’d advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.”