Tag: Story



County Workers

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. As he stood by his car to drink his cola, he watched a couple of men working along the roadside.

One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on.

The other man came along behind and filled in the hole.

While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old. The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road.

“I can’t stand this,” said the man, tossing the can in a trash container and heading down the road toward the men.

“Hold it, hold it,” he said to the men. “Can you tell me what’s going on here with this digging?”

“Well, we work for the county,” one of the men said.

“But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You’re not accomplishing anything. Aren’t you wasting the county’s money?”

“You don’t understand, mister,” one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow.

“Normally there’s three of us … me, Rodney and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back. Now just because Rodney’s sick, that don’t mean that Mike and me can’t work.”

Brown Balls

The father of 17 kids goes to the doc’s with a rash on his belly. “All right” says the Doc, “drop ’em and let’s have a look.” Having been confronted with the evidence the Doc exclaims “Yes, you’ve got a bad rash there, but my word, what brown balls you’ve got. They’re truly remarkable!”.

The patient is a bit embarrassed and says “Look Doc, what about the rash?”

“Oh that’s easy,” said the Doc, “Here’s some cream to rub on. By the way, those brown balls are amazing, may I ask …”

“No,” said the patient, “You can’t. Now, is that all Doc?”

“Well, ” said the Doctor, “You could stop the rash coming back with a bit better hygiene. Tell your wife you need clean underpants every day. And those really are the brownest balls I’ve ever seen!”

The guy goes home and tells his wife that the Doctor says he needs clean underpants every day. “What?” she yells, “Clean underpants every day, and me with 17 kids to chase after! Seventeen kids to wash, feed, clothe, get to school, tidy after, and you want clean underpants every day? You must be bloody joking, I haven’t even got time to wipe my arse!”

“Ah” he said, “And that’s another thing I wanted to talk to you about …”

Young Female Teacher

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.

She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny Pat?”

“Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters.”

“Get out of my classroom,” she yells, “I don’t want to see you for three days.”

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realising she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, “What’s so funny Billy?”

“Well miss, I just saw both of your garters.”

Again she yells, “Get out of my classroom!” This time the punishment is more severe, “I don’t want to see you for three weeks.”

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

“Where do you think you are going?” she asks.

“Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over.”

Americans vs. Frenchmen

A French man is having his petit dejeuner (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when an American man, chewing gum, sits down next to him.

The Frenchman ignores the American who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

American: “You French folk eat the whole bread?”

Frenchman (in a bad mood): “Of course.”

American: (after blowing a huge bubble) “We don’t. In the States, we only eat what is inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to France.” The American has a smirk on his face.

The Frenchman listens in silence.

The American insists: “D’ya eat jelly with the bread?”

Frenchman: “Of course.”

American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling) “We don’t. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, put all peel, seeds and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to France.”

The Frenchman then asks: “And what do you do with condoms once you’ve used them?”

American: “We throw them away, of course.”

Frenchman: “We don’t. In France, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell it to America.”

Rich Man’s Will

The lawyer was reading out the Will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the Will:

“To my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in the rough times, as well as the good, the house and $2 million.

“To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in illness and kept the business going, the yacht, the business and $1 million.

“And to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me and thought I would not remember him in my Will, you were wrong: Hello Dan!”

Johnny’s Gambling

The teacher had caught Johnny gambling several times. She requested a conference with Johnny’s dad who admitted that he also had tried to break Johnny of his gambling habit.

After many failed efforts, Johnny one day (after school) called the teacher a hypocrite.

“Why do you say that, Johnny,” she asked.

“Because you are.”

Again she asked, “why.”

He said, “Because you’re not a true blonde.”

She demanded to know how much money Johnny had. It came to about $50. She bet him $50 dollars she was a true blonde.

She went behind her desk and removed her panties. Then she stood with her back to the door and pulled her dress up showing her radiantly blonde pubic hair. Afterwards she called the father and told him what she had done “in Johnny’s best interest.”

The father moaned and groaned and cried, “Oh, no,” numerous times.

The teacher said, “Look, I did this for Johnny. Do you think it was easy for me to pull up my dress and show Johnny my pussy? I’d think you’d be understanding instead of critical!”

The father replied, “Oh, I’m not so upset that you showed Johnny your pussy, it’s just that …”

“Just that what?” the embarrassed teacher asked.

The father replied, “It’s just that I decided to break Johnny of betting myself, and this morning I bet him that he was wrong when he boasted that before the day was over, he’d have you lifting your skirt and showing him your pussy.”

Headache Cure

A guy is suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he’s referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies, “I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and …”

He is interrupted by the doctor, “And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear.”

“Yes! Exactly! How did you know?”

“Well I am the world’s greatest headache specialist, you know. But I myself suffered from that same type of headache for many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp muscles. This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my wife oral gratification. When she reached her peak, she would squeeze her legs together with all her strength and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes.”

Two weeks go by and the man is back, “Well, how do you feel?” the doctor asked.

“Doc, I’m a new man! I feel great! I haven’t had a headache since I started this treatment! I can’t thank you enough. And, by the way you have a lovely home.”

Blonde Therapy

A very well-built young blonde was lying on her psychiatrist’s couch, telling him how frustrated she was. “I tried to be an actress and failed,” she complained. “I tried to be a secretary and failed; I tried being a writer and failed; then I tried being a sales clerk and I failed at that, too.”

The shrink thought for a moment and said … “Everyone needs to live a full, satisfying life. Why don’t you try nursing?” The girl thinks about this, then bares one of her large, beautiful breasts, points it at the shrink, and says … “Well go ahead, I’ll give it a try!”