Tag: Story


Presidential Rescue

One day Bill Clinton was out jogging and he accidentally tripped and fell off a bridge into the cold water below. Three 10 year old boys were playing along the river and saw him fall in so they all jumped in and saved him and dragged him to shore. He was so thankful that he told each of them, “Boys, you just saved the President of the United States and each of you deserves a reward.”

The first boy says, “I want to go to Disneyland!” “I’ll take you there myself!!!” exclaims Bill.

The second boy says, “I want a brand new pair of autographed Nike Air Jordan’s.” “I’ll buy them for you myself,” says Bill.

“And I want a motorized wheelchair with a stereo built into it with custom speakers” the third boy says. The president looks at the boy and says, “But son you don’t look like you are handicapped to me.” The boy says, “I’m going to be when my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!!”

Week of Golf

A fellow has a week off and decides to play a round of golf every day.

First thing Monday morning, he sets off on his first round and soon catches up to the person in front. He sees that this is a woman and, as he catches up to her on a par 3, that she’s very attractive. He’s interested and suggests that they play the rest of the round together.

She agrees and a very close match ensues. She turns out also to be a very talented golfer and she wins their little competition on the last hole. He congratulates her in the parking lot then offers to give her a lift when he sees she doesn’t have a car. All in all it’s been a highly enjoyable morning.

On the way to her place, she thanks him for the morning’s company and competition and says she hasn’t enjoyed herself so much on the course for a long time. “In fact,” she says, “I’d like you to pull over so I can show you how much I appreciated everything.” He pulls over and she gives him the best kiss he’s ever had.

The next morning he spies her at the first tee and suggests they play together again. He’s actually quite competitive and slightly peeved that she beat him the previous day. Again they have a magnificent day, enjoying each other’s company and playing a tight, competitive round of golf. Again she pips him at the last, again he drives her home, and again she shows her appreciation.

This goes on all week, with her beating him narrowly every day.

This is a sore point for his male ego but, nevertheless, in the car home from their Friday afternoon round, he tells her that he has had such a fine week that he has a surprise planned: dinner for two at a fancy candle-lit restaurant followed by a night of passion in the penthouse apartment of a posh hotel.

Surprisingly, she bursts into tears and says she can’t agree to this. He can’t work out what the fuss is about, but eventually she admits the reason. “You see,” she tearfully sobs, “I’m a transvestite.”

He is aghast. He swerves violently off the road, pulls the car to a screeching halt and curses madly, overcome with emotion. “I’m sorry,” she repeats.

“You bastard,” he screams, red in the face, “You cheating bastard. You’ve been playing off the red tees all week!”

Three Blonde Men

Three blonde men are stranded on one side of a wide river, and don’t know how to get across.

The first man prays to God to make him smart enough to figure out how to cross the river, so God turns him into a brown-haired man and he swims across.

The second man prays to God to make him even smarter, so God turns him into a dark-haired man and he builds a boat and rows across.

The third man prays to God to make him the smartest of all, so God turns him into a woman and she walks across the bridge.

Not Enough Golf

A man and his secretary are having an affair, so one afternoon they get a motel room and have strenuous sex. He’s not used to the pace, so he falls asleep afterwards and doesn’t wake up until about 8:30 that night, at which time he realizes it’s late and that he has to get home.

He says to his secretary, “Quick! While I get dressed, you take my shoes outside and drag them around through the grass and mud.” Puzzled, the secretary complies.

When the man gets home about 9:30 his wife confronts him and asks him where he’s been. The man says, “I cannot lie to you. I spent the better part of the day doing my secretary in a motel room, then I fell asleep, woke up later, and came right home.”

The woman looks down at his shoes and says, “You lying bastard, you’ve been out playing golf again!”

Magic Black Sponge

One day a young 5 year old walked into the bathroom while his mother was getting out of the shower, and saw her nude. Quickly she covered herself with a towel, and the boy asked: “Mommy, what was that hairy black thing?”

His mother replied: “Honey, that’s my magic Black sponge.”

Later that day, the young boy walked into the kitchen and asked his mother to show him the magic black sponged again, but she replied that she lost it. About ten minutes later the boy came running back to the kitchen yelling, “MOMMY, MOMMY, I found your Magic Black Sponge. Dad is cleaning it with his face at the neighbors house!”

Toilet Hygiene

Three men were using the urinals in a public restroom in DC. The first man finished relieving himself, zipped up, strolled to the sinks and proceeded to wash his hands, using plenty of soap and water and doing a splendidly thorough job. As he was drying his hands (with lots of paper towels), he loftily announced to no one in particular “At William and Mary, I learned to be clean and sanitary.”

The second gent zipped up, marched briskly to the sinks, and scrubbed his hands with much less soap and water than the first man, doing a splendidly thorough job nonetheless. As he was drying his hands (with only one paper towel), he severely announced to no one in particular, “At Virginia, I learned to be clean and sanitary, but I ALSO learned to be thrifty and environmentally conscious.”

The third man finished relieving himself, zipped up, and ambled past the sinks to the door, muttering to himself, “At Virginia Tech, I learned not to piss on my hands.”

Baby Kitten

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, “There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens.”

“How did you know that?” his mother asked.

“Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” he replied. “I think it’s printed on the bottom.”

Elderly Couple at McDonalds

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald’s. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup.

As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them.

Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.

The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs.

The old gentleman said, “Oh, no. We’ve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50.”

The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, “Not yet. It’s his turn with the teeth.”

“Plot” For Sale

A sweet girl of Seventeen is very eager to offer a small lovely “TRIANGULAR PLOT” for sale which is centrally located on the slope of the lower area but not observed or explored by anybody till date. For the last 17 years the plot being tenderly cared and looked after by the girl herself. The plot is fertile and can bear best result even in the first planting.

For the last four years the plot was covered with shiny black curly grass which is very tender to touch. No machine has yet been used for trimming the grass which has now covered the whole area.

Another thing which adds beauty of the plot is the fantastic pond hidden under it. Offer are immediately invited from young men with firm and energetic capital which can be put in easily and this must give outflowing white liquid capital.

The young men should be strong enough to plough in hard with his own tool. Although initially it will be hard and a bit difficult to cut open the gate seal. Once the capital is put in the entrance will not repent and will be delighted to have ventured into the site.

Since the neighbours are waiting for an opportunity to the pounce this marvellous plot make haste to be first to enter into the site. Yet another fact to be disclosed regarding the site is that the “DOUBLE HILLS” on the top of the said plot is already captured by the local students. Anyhow, they are not permitted to go down.

Offer for lease or retail will not be accepted.

NB: ENTRANCE FROM THE BACK GATE STRICTLY PROHIBITED.