Bumpersnickers

* Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
* It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
* Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
* I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
* Montana — At least our cows are sane!
* Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
* Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.
* Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
* Learn from your parents’ mistakes – use birth control.
* He who laughs last thinks slowest.
* OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
* Few women admit their age; Fewer men act theirs.
* I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
* Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
* Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its students.
* Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
* Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
* Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
* Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
* We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things got worse.
* Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
* Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
* Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
* Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.
* There are three kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.
* Why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?
* Assist the Police — Beat yourself up!
* Vehicle secured by mafia: You hit our car, we hit your car.
* Nuke Unborn Gay Whales For Jesus!
* MEAN PEOPLE SUCK, NICE PEOPLE SWALLOW
* If Ignorance is Bliss, You Must Be Orgasmic …
* FUCK THE POOR! (on a Porsche)
* Don’t steal, the Government hates competition.
* Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
* I.R.S.: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got!
* Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
* Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
* What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
* Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
* Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
* The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
* I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
* All generalizations are false.
* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
* “JESUS LOVES YOU!

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