Irish Bash

Sean and Murphy are two teenagers out on the razzle one night, well Sean is better looking than his mate and, consequently, he scores with a local chick and goes back to her place – abandoning Murphy with a wink.

Next morning, Sunday as it happens, Sean turns up at Murphy’s place with bags under his eyes, a dry throat, spotty chin and all the rest of it … he looks like death warmed up, and appears to have all the symptoms of going into a diabetic coma, even though he’s not a diabetic… and Murphy asks how it went … “Great” says Sean, “But I’m knackered and I think I really ought to go to confession you know, like after what l did with this girl last night.”

Murphy tells him to get a move on cos’ the church has already started morning service and so the pair of them get down there … whereupon Murphy says he’ll wait at the door on account he hasn’t got any sins to confess.

Sean reaches the confessional and the voice of the priest whispers to him through the screen … “speak up and reveal your sins to God young man” and so Sean goes on to describe his night of debauchery in detail … adding that it all happened with a local girl … and the priest says, “young man, your sins can be forgiven, but you must tell me the name of the poor girl, she may be in greater danger than you”

Sean doesn’t think he can bring himself to give her name and says “Father, I’ve come to confess my own sins, the girl can do the same, it wouldn’t be proper of me to speak her name now would it?”

The priest asks him, in an annoyed tone, “was it Mary O’Flannagan then young man” and Sean cries “No Father … it’s the girls own business … I’ll not say …” which perplexes the priest more still, leading him to demand, “Well then, was it Lucy O’Hara you young idiot?” and Sean replies, “No Father … it’s the girls own business … I’ll not say …” and the priest gets even more annoyed and asks in a sterner voice still “Was it Susan O’Flaherty then you rapscallion?” and Sean screams back “No Father … it’s the girls own business … I’ll not say … I demand you pardon me for my own sins and let me leave …”

The priest issues Sean with 50 Hail Marys and orders him to clean the church after the service, he is thus absolved of his sins …

On rejoining Murphy at the door Murphy smiles and asks “how did it go then Sean, what did you get?” to which Sean says “Oh, a few Hail Marys and a bit of cleaning to do after the service … and three freaking red hot tips for next Saturday …”

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