Department of Obfuscation

Sentences taken from actual letters received by the local welfare department in application for support:

1. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I had seven but one died which was baptized on a half sheet of paper.

2. I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?

3. Mrs. Nones has not had any clothes for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy.

4. I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why?

5. I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead.

6. This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it?

7. Please find for certain if my husband who is missing is dead.

8. I am very annoyed to find you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born.

9. In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing 10 lbs. I hope this is satisfactory.

10. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my three children, one of which is a mistake as you can see.

11. My husband got his project cut off two weeks ago and I haven’t had any relief since.

12. Unless I get my husband’s money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.

13. You have changed my boy to a girl. Will this make any difference?

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