Top 16 Signs Your Mate is Cheating

16. Carpools with Divine Brown.
15. Motel 6 names him “Customer of the Year.”
14. Mysterious phone calls in the middle of the night from some guy named “President Bill.”
13. You intercept a love note signed by all of the Oakland Raiders.
12. That naked guy standing in the corner pretending to be a hat rack isn’t fooling anyone.
11. Starts buying those lame excuses you give when you get home late from your mistress’s house.
10. Glenn Close speeds by your house every twenty minutes.
9. Models new lingerie, saying, “If you were my lover, would this turn you on?”
8. The smell of Brut is all over her, and you’re strictly an Old Spice man.
7. Asks you how you would feel about appearing on “Jenny Jones”.
6. Every night: comes home late, carves another notch in the bedpost and giggles himself to sleep.
5. The cat has that “I know something that you don’t know” look.
4. Amy Fisher shoots you in the head.
3. Closet full of Gideon Bibles.
2. Michael Irvin called her as a character witness.
1. Raoul the pool-boy is always hanging around, and you have NO pool!

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