1. Fire authorities in California assessing the damage of a forest fire found a corpse dressed in a full wet suit, complete with a dive tank, flippers, and face mask. A post-mortem examination revealed that the person died not from burns but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided identification.
Investigators seeking an explanation as to how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire found that, on the day of the fire, the person was diving off the coast ~ 20 miles from the forest. Firefighters had a fleet of helicopters dropping very large buckets into the ocean, flying to the forest and emptying the water on the fire.
You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next he was doing a breaststroke in a fire bucket 300 feet in the air. Apparently, he extinguished exactly 5’10” of the fire.
Some days it just doesn’t pay to get out of bed.
2. A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the kitchen. He was racing the engine on the cycle and somehow, it slipped into gear. He, holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass door and dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room and found her husband on the floor, cut and bleeding, the cycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered. She ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance.
Because they lived on a hill, the wife went down the several flights of steps to the street to direct the paramedics. After the ambulance took the husband to the hospital, the wife pushed the cycle outside, got some paper towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet. The husband was treated and released.
Arriving home, he looked at the damage, became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. Finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl. The wife, hearing an explosion and his screams, ran to the bathroom to find him on the floor, trousers blown off, burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin. Again, she called for an ambulance.
The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While going down the stairs, a paramedic asked the wife how the husband burned himself. She told them and one, laughing so hard, tipped the stretcher, dumping the husband out. He fell down the steps and broke his arm.
Now that was a bad day. Feel Better?