Category: Culture


Polish Sausage

A Guy goes into the store and asks the clerk, “I’d like some Polish Sausage.”

The clerk looks at him and says, “Are you polish?” The guy says, “Well, yes I am. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or, if I had asked for German sausage, would you ask me if I was German? Or, if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican?”

The clerk says, “Well, no.”

The guys says, “WELL, why do you ask me if I’m Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?”

The clerk says, “Because this is a hardware store.”

Chinese Wedding Night

Chinese couple gets married – and she’s a virgin. On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses.

He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring: “My darring, I know dis you firs time and you flighten. I plomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting you want. What you want?”

“I wanna numma 69”, she replies.

He looks at her very puzzled and says, “You wanna beef wit broccorri?”.

Blonde GUY

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blond guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.” The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again! If get burritos one more time, I’m going to jump off too.” The blond opened his lunch and said, “Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I’m jumping too.”

Next day the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too. The blonde opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death also.

At the funeral the Irishman’s wife is weeping. She says, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again! The Mexican’s wife also weeps and says, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.”

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde’s wife. “Hey, don’t look at me,” she said. “He makes his own lunch.”

Bubba with 911

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away.

“Where do you live?” asked the operator.

Bubba replied, “At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.”

The operator asked, “Can you spell that for me?”

“There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, “How ’bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?”

Southern Preposition

A girl from the South and a girl from the North were seated side by side on a plane. The girl from the South, being friendly and all, said, “So, where ya’ll from?”

The Northern girl said, “From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.”

The girl from the South sat quietly for a few moments and then replied, “So, where ya’ll from, bitch?”

The Reporter

A reporter walked up to a group of four guys on the street. There was a Saudi Arabian, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker. He asked them, “Excuse me, what’s your opinion of the meat shortage?”

The Saudi replied, “What’s a shortage?”

The Russian asked, “What is meat?”

The North Korean said, “What is an opinion?”

And the New Yorker says, “What’s excuse me?”

Jewish Wedding

A Jewish father, Moisha, was beset by his eldest son Yitzak, “Father, I am going to marry!” His father begins to dance with joy and sing Hava Nagila. “Tell me, is she a good Jewish girl?” says the father. “What is her name?”

“O’Brien” replies the son. “She’s Catholic.”

“Oy!” says the father. “But are you happy?”

“I’m happy,” says the son.

“Ok, as long as you’re happy. My blessings to you both,” replies Moisha. But the father is still counting on his remaining sons, Schlemiel and Chutzpah.

Schlemiel calls on his father the next evening, “Father, I too will be married soon!” Again, Moisha breaks out in a dance and sings God’s praises, “What is her name?” implores the father.

“Kazalopodopolous,” says the son. “She’s Greek Orthodox.”

“Oy,” says Moisha. “But are you happy?”

“I’m happy, Father.”

“Ok, then you, too, have my blessing,” intones Moisha.

Dejected, Moisha goes to the Temple to pray, “Please God, let my remaining son Chutzpah marry a nice Jewish girl, to raise nice Jewish children in your eyes. PLEASE!”

Chutzpah comes to his father excitedly and exclaims, “Father! I am to wed in the spring!”

“Her NAME? WHAT IS HER NAME?” his father immediately demands.

“Goldberg!” says Chutzpah!

Moisha is beside himself with joy! “Praise God! Praise the Prophets!” Turning to Chutzpah, he asks, “Is she Doctor Goldberg’s daughter Shelley, from Los Angeles?”

“No,” says Chutzpah.

“Hmmm,” says Moisha. “Must be Attorney Goldberg’s daughter Rachel from Hollywood?”

“Ah no, father.” says Chutzpah.

“Well, then, what is her first name, my youngest, truest, most beautiful son?

“Whoopi,” says Chutzpah.