Category: Culture



In honor of an anonymous Drag Queen

I’m glad to be a Drag Queen, of that I am so proud,
I squeeze into tight spandex, three sizes way too small,
I’m altogether bitchy, annoying and so loud,
My shoes are size 11, so I stand tall at the mall.

I’m always on a diet, so the gals will envy me,
Except that chocolate cake, but it won’t touch my waist,
But eating is so terrible, the makeup runs you see,
And always always near to me, you’ll find my makeup case.

It simply takes me hours to properly fix my hair,
And when I use the bathroom, people always stand and stare.
And when I hit the dance floor, and my boobs start drifting low,
Some kindly man will help me, with hands just slightly slow.

I have such intuition, but I’m forever getting lost.
I shirk the household duties, I leave them for the boss.
And when she say to do them, I smile and give a toss,
I tell her that her girlfriend just called just to say piss off.

I cry and weep forelornly whenever Bambi’s shot,
He’s such a sweet young dear, just like my boyfriend Scott.
I go out to the night clubs, in a black tight mini-skirt,
Cause its fun to sleeze around, or sometimes to just flirt.

I’m proud to be a Drag Queen, I’m proud to be a tart,
I love to have you watch me, no matter where you start.
I’m gay, I’m queer and gorgeous, And women stare and stew,
But always, always lover, I’m too much man for you.

Chinese Wedding Night

Chinese couple gets married – and she’s a virgin. On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses.

He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring: “My darring, I know dis you firs time and you flighten. I plomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting you want. What you want?”

“I wanna numma 69”, she replies.

He looks at her very puzzled and says, “You wanna beef wit broccorri?”.

Polish Sausage

A Guy goes into the store and asks the clerk, “I’d like some Polish Sausage.”

The clerk looks at him and says, “Are you polish?” The guy says, “Well, yes I am. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or, if I had asked for German sausage, would you ask me if I was German? Or, if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican?”

The clerk says, “Well, no.”

The guys says, “WELL, why do you ask me if I’m Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?”

The clerk says, “Because this is a hardware store.”

Blonde GUY

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blond guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.” The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again! If get burritos one more time, I’m going to jump off too.” The blond opened his lunch and said, “Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I’m jumping too.”

Next day the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too. The blonde opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death also.

At the funeral the Irishman’s wife is weeping. She says, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again! The Mexican’s wife also weeps and says, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.”

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde’s wife. “Hey, don’t look at me,” she said. “He makes his own lunch.”

Bubba with 911

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away.

“Where do you live?” asked the operator.

Bubba replied, “At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.”

The operator asked, “Can you spell that for me?”

“There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, “How ’bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?”

Southern Preposition

A girl from the South and a girl from the North were seated side by side on a plane. The girl from the South, being friendly and all, said, “So, where ya’ll from?”

The Northern girl said, “From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.”

The girl from the South sat quietly for a few moments and then replied, “So, where ya’ll from, bitch?”

The Reporter

A reporter walked up to a group of four guys on the street. There was a Saudi Arabian, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker. He asked them, “Excuse me, what’s your opinion of the meat shortage?”

The Saudi replied, “What’s a shortage?”

The Russian asked, “What is meat?”

The North Korean said, “What is an opinion?”

And the New Yorker says, “What’s excuse me?”