Patrick the Bartender

A guy walks into a bar, sits down, orders a drink. As he’s enjoying his drink, the bartender says, “You know, I built this very bar with me bare hands but they don’t call me Patrick the barbuilder”.

The guy just sits enjoying his drink and says, “that’s too bad” in a non-enthusiastic voice. The guy finishes his drink, orders another one and about 5 minutes later the bartender says, “I built these stools with me bare hands but they don’t call me Patrick the Stoolbuilder”.

The guy just shrugs it off again and keeps drinking his drink and about 5 mintutes later the bartender says, “I built this countertop with me bare hands but they don’t call me Patrick the countertopbuilder”.

The guy does the same thing and keeps enjoying his drink. A minute later the bartender says, “But you fuck one sheep.”

Marketing Analogies

For all the ladies who have asked, “What is marketing?”, the following analogies will help clear it up…

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.”
– That’s Direct Marketing.

You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, “She’s fantastic in bed.”
– That’s Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed.”
– That’s Telemarketing.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, “May I,” and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed.”
– That’s Public Relations.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, “I hear you’re fantastic in bed.”
– That’s Brand Recognition.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend.
– That’s a Sales Rep.

Your friend can’t satisfy him so he calls you.
– That’s Tech Support.

You’re on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you’re passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, “I’m fantastic in bed!”
– That’s Spam.

Construction Communication

A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw, and spots another man on the 1st floor. He yells down to him, but the noise makes it impossible to hear anything, so he tries sign language.

He points at his eye meaning “I”, points at his knee
meaning “need”, and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion. The man on the 1st floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, and starts masturbating.

The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to
the 1st floor and shouts, “What the f*ck is wrong with you, idiot? I said I needed a handsaw!”

The other guy says, “I knew that, I was just trying to
tell you I’m coming.”