What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.
Interrupting your Wife
I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months, I don’t like to interrupt her.
Always Right
I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
Wives are Alike
All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.
Dog and Wife Barking
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course
Women Passing Gas
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.
Woman’s Watch
How do you fix a woman’s watch?
You don’t. There’s a clock on the stove!
Women Feet
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Laundromat Women
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Beer Opener
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.