Why shouldn’t you ever eat in a gay bar? Because the hot dogs taste like shit.
She got kicked out!
Q: Why was Raggedy Ann Kicked out of the toy box?
A: “Becuse she sat on Pinocchio’s face and told him to LIE.”
The Queer
A man walked into a bar and sat down. He looked really upset, so the bartender asked if he wanted to talk about his problems.
The man quickly responded by saying he’d like seven shots of wild turkey.
The bartender asks the man what was bothering him.
The man looks up at him and says, “I just found out my brother is a queer.”
The bartender says, “Man I’m sorry.”
The next day, the man walked into the same bar, sat down and had the bartender get him seven shots of wild turkey.
The bartender asks, “What is wrong today?”
The man replies, “I just found out that my other brother is a queer.”
The bartender apologizes and sends him on his way.
The following day, the man goes to the same bar, and orders the same seven shots of wild turkey.
The bartender sighs and says, “Man doesn’t any of your family like women?”
The man grunts and says, “Yeah, I just found out that my wife does!”
Pointy Shit
Q: Do you know why your shit is pointy when it comes out?
A: It is pointy so that your asshole don’t slam shut!
Happiness
Happiness is like peeing your pants … Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth.
Holmes And Watson
One day, Holmes and Watson were in the office and Holmes said, “Watson, we need to take some time off work and go on a camping trip.”
“Good Idea,” replied Watson.
So the next day, they trecked through the woods and came to a field. That was where they decided to set up camp. They set up the tent and settled down for the evening.
Late at night Holmes was lying awake looking upward.
Holmes woke up Watson and said, “Watson, look up and tell me what you see.”
“Well,” he replied, “I see lots of stars, they are balls of gas burning billions of miles away.”
“No you dumb shit, someone’s stolen the fu*king tent!”
Gay Bob
Gay Bob goes into the doctor’s office and has some tests run. The doctor comes back and says, “Bob, I’m not going to beat around the bush. You have AIDS.”
Bob is devastated. “Doc, what can I do?”
“Eat 1 sausage,1 head of cabbage, 20 unpeeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of
Grapenuts cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice.”
Bob asks, “Will that cure me, Doc?”
Doc says, “No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your ass is for.”
The Horny Trucker
There’s a trucker in Florida and he has a truckload of metal pipes to deliver to California in two weeks or less. Well, he’s been a trucker for so long that he knows it will only take him a week. So he calls up his boss and asks if he can stop in Pueblo, Colorado to see his wife for an evening. His boss replies, “No. Get the pipes to Cali and I’ll give you a weeks paid vacation to be with your wife.” He hangs up. “Dammit!” Then he thinks, “Well, maybe if I juggle my log a little, I can stop and see her without him ever knowing. So he hauls balls across the states, gets to Pueblo and stops at his house. He silently unlocks the door and enters. He creeps up the stairs and into their bedroom. Then he slides under the covers and starts eating her out. She’s moainin’ and groanin’ and tossin’ all over. She orgasms and he goes down stairs and makes himself a sandwich. Just as he takes his first bite, his wife walks in and says, “Shh! Your mother’s asleep upstairs.”
Walk It Off
There’s a coach on a football field during a game, and a player comes up to him, “Coach, I sprained my ankle.”
“Walk it off!”
“Coach, I’ve pulled a muscle.”
“Walk it off!”
“I dislocated my shoulder!”
“Walk it off!”
“I’m in labor!!”
“Walk it! Oh, sorry honey!”
Pinoccio
Q – How did Pinoccio find out he was not a real boy?
A – His hand caught on fire!