Two friends were walking along the road. One asked, “Do you know what happens when there is a hole in a parachute or a condom?
Second replied, “No.”
First one said, “When their is a hole in a parachute it takes life but when their is a hole in a condom it gives life.”
Q: If a dried grape is a raisin, a dried plum is a prune what do you call a dried cherry?
A: A Nun.
Their was a teacher appointed for second grade. The teacher was also a psychiatrist. So she decided to test her abilities on the children by asking a question, “Whoever thinks that he or she is stupid, stand up?
But no one stood up immediately. But after a while one kid stood up.
The teacher asked, “Do you think that you are stupid?”
The child replied, “No maam but I hate to see you standing all by yourself.”
Two Nuns are riding their bicycles down the back streets of Rome.
One leans over to the other and says, “I’ve never come this way before.”
The other nun whispers, “It’s the cobblestones.”
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.”
The old man says without hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”
Q: Did you hear about the Washington survey? They asked a thousand women if they would sleep with the President.
A: 95% replied, “Not again.”
Q: Why did Tigger put his head in the toilet?
A: He was looking for Pooh (poo).
Q: Why do only 30% of men go to heaven?
A: Any more would be hell!
From us (“the wishor”) to you (“hereinafter called the wishee”) Please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all… and a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2001, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or dietary preference of the wishee.
By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that-
* This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal.
* This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wishor are acknowledged.
* This greeting implies no promise by the wishor to actually implement any of the wishes.
* This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishor.
* This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably may be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first.
* The wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishor.
* Any references in this greeting to “the Lord”, “Father Christmas”, “Our Savior”, or any other festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third party names and images are hereby acknowledged.
A man named Sam Goldberg owned a store in New York. This store almost never closed, and he and his wife never went on a vacation.
One day, the man asked his wife where she wanted to go for a vacation. She said,”But Sam, we haven’t closed the store in years!”
Sam insisted, so she chose to go to San Francisco. As soon as they arrived there on the plane, they rented a car and went to eat dinner in Chinatown. When Sam found a parking space, he noticed a sign saying, “Sam Goldberg’s Chineese Food.” He became enraged and ran into the store. He called for the owner, and an old Chineese man came forward.
Sam Goldberg said to him, “Your shop can’t be named ‘Sam Goldberg’s Chineese Food’ because that is my name, and you aren’t even Jewish!”
Then the Chineese man explained how he got the name. When he arrived in America, he came up to the citizenship building and was in line after a man named Sam Goldberg. When he went to talk to the citizenship official, the official asked for the Chineese man’s name. He then said, “Sam Ting.”