1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it’s up put it down.
3. Don’t cut your hair. Ever.
4. Sometimes, we’re not thinking about you. Live with it.
5. Get rid of your cat.
6. Sunday = Sports.
7. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
8. Women wearing Wonder bras, falsies, implants, or low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
9. You have too many shoes.
10. Crying is blackmail.
Invention of Armadillos
Q: Why did God invent armadillos?
A: So that rednecks can have ‘possum on the halfshell.
Eating a Possum
Q: How many rednecks does it take to eat a ‘possum?
A: Two. One to eat, and one to watch for cars.
West Virginia Drinking
Q: Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in West Virginia to 32?
A: It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!
Virginia vs. West Virginia
Q: What’s the difference between Virginia and West Virginia?
A: In Virginia, Moosehead is a beer. In West Virginia it’s a misdemeanor.
Redneck Marriage
Q: How can you tell if a redneck is married?
A: There are tobacco spit stains on both sides of his pickup truck.
Southern Preposition
A girl from the South and a girl from the North were seated side by side on a plane. The girl from the South, being friendly and all, said, “So, where ya’ll from?”
The Northern girl said, “From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.”
The girl from the South sat quietly for a few moments and then replied, “So, where ya’ll from, bitch?”
Kentucky Pick-Up Line
3/4st bar pick-up line in Kentucky:
“Hey, you don’t sweat much for a fat broad.”
Tennessee Pick Up Line
Q: What’s the most popular pick up line in Tennessee?
A: Nice tooth!
Redneck Estate
Did you hear about the redneck who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow? She can’t touch it till she’s fourteen.