Tag: Story



Elderly Couple at McDonalds

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald’s. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup.

As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them.

Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.

The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs.

The old gentleman said, “Oh, no. We’ve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50.”

The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, “Not yet. It’s his turn with the teeth.”

“Plot” For Sale

A sweet girl of Seventeen is very eager to offer a small lovely “TRIANGULAR PLOT” for sale which is centrally located on the slope of the lower area but not observed or explored by anybody till date. For the last 17 years the plot being tenderly cared and looked after by the girl herself. The plot is fertile and can bear best result even in the first planting.

For the last four years the plot was covered with shiny black curly grass which is very tender to touch. No machine has yet been used for trimming the grass which has now covered the whole area.

Another thing which adds beauty of the plot is the fantastic pond hidden under it. Offer are immediately invited from young men with firm and energetic capital which can be put in easily and this must give outflowing white liquid capital.

The young men should be strong enough to plough in hard with his own tool. Although initially it will be hard and a bit difficult to cut open the gate seal. Once the capital is put in the entrance will not repent and will be delighted to have ventured into the site.

Since the neighbours are waiting for an opportunity to the pounce this marvellous plot make haste to be first to enter into the site. Yet another fact to be disclosed regarding the site is that the “DOUBLE HILLS” on the top of the said plot is already captured by the local students. Anyhow, they are not permitted to go down.

Offer for lease or retail will not be accepted.

NB: ENTRANCE FROM THE BACK GATE STRICTLY PROHIBITED.

Following Directions

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done, there were three finalists, two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!!!!”

The man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.”

The agent said, “Then you are not the right man for this job.”

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.”

The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes, take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband.

She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet.

The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair.”

Miracle Bunny

A friend of mine was out hunting a few years back and, as chance would have it, on the way home he ran over a bunny rabbit. Since it was right in front of a large farmhouse, he thought he’d stop and make sure it wasn’t a pet. The farmer was sitting on the porch, and had seen the whole incident.

My friend asked if the rabbit had been a pet. The farmer said that it wasn’t, but he also said that he had something that might help the poor thing out. He went into his house and came out a moment or two later with a little jar. He went out to the rabbit and poured a little on its head.

Sure enough, the bunny opened it eyes and got up. It hopped a little ways down the road and turned around and waved at the farmer and my friend. Then it hopped on down the road a little further, and turned and waved again. This hop and wave action was repeated until the bunny hopped out of sight over a hill.

Of course, my friend was more than a little amazed! What’s in that bottle?, he asked the farmer.

Just a little hair restorer with permanent wave!

Complimentary Peanuts

A business traveller has stopped at the hotel lounge at the end of the day to have a drink before heading to his room. After ordering his drink, he just sits back and takes a sip when he hears a voice say, “My, that’s a nice haircut.” The man looks around and doesn’t notice anyone nearby, shrugs his shoulders, and turns back to his drink.

A few minutes later the man hears the voice again say, “That’s really a nice shirt.” Again the man looks around for the owner of the voice and doesn’t see anyone. The man shakes his head thinking he’s just tired, and calls the bartender over to pay for his drink & return to his room.

The bartender walks over and notices that the man is looking around him with a confused look on his face and asks the man what was wrong. “I guess I’m more tired than I thought, because I’m hearing voices.” The bartender just smiles at the man, “You are hearing voices. It’s coming from the peanuts. They’re complimentary.”

Excited at his Return

One day Little Johnny was playing in his room when his Dad came up to talk to him. Johnny’s Dad explained to Johnny that he and Mommy were getting a divorce.

“Why Daddy, why?” Johnny asked, confused.

“Well,” explained Johnny’s Dad, “Your mother and I are no longer in love.”

Even more confused, Johnny asks, “What does being in love mean?”

“Well Johnny,” replied Dad, “let me give you an example. A Father is coming home from work, and his wife is as anxious and excited to meet him as he is when he gets home. So they both embrace and kiss at the door, right when they meet. That’s love, but Mommy and me have lost that.”

“But Daddy, I see mommy getting excited lots of times right when you come home,” Explained Johnny, “That means she must still be in love with you.”

“I don’t understand Johnny,” asked Johnny’s Dad, “Mommy gets excited?”

“Well, sometimes when Mommys still sleeping in the bed with the postman and you pull in to the driveway, I can hear her wake up and shout at the top of her lungs, ‘Oh my god, my husband’s home! My husband’s home!'”

Religious Children

A four-year-old Catholic boy was playing with a 4-year-old Protestant girl in a plastic wading pool in the back yard. They splashed a lot of water on each other; their clothes were soaking wet, so they decide to take off the wet clothes. The little boy looked at the little girl and said, “Golly, I didn’t know there was that much difference between Catholics and Protestants.”

Dumb Blonde

There is this blonde in a middle of a corn field sitting in a medium size row boat, just rowing away. Corn husks flying everywhere.

Another blonde driving down the back road sees this blonde in the row boat. So pissed off, the blonde pulls over to the side of the road.

The blonde from the car yells out, “Hey you … Hey you the Blonde in the boat!”

The blonde in the row boat looks up and sees the blonde yelling from the road trying to listen to what she is saying.

The blonde from the car, yelling at the blonde in the corn field notices that she has her attention yells back at her, “You know it’s dumb ass blondes like you that gives us blondes a bad name … and you know, if I could swim, I would come out there and beat your ass!”

S&M

Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they haven’t seen each other since graduation. They begin to talk and bring each other up to date. The conversation covers their husbands, their children, homes, etc. and finally gets around to their sex lives.

Sue says, “It’s OK. We get it on every week or so but it’s no big adventure, how’s yours?”

Sally replies, “It’s just great, ever since we got into S&M.”

Sue is aghast. “Really Sally, I never would have guessed that you would go for that.”

“Oh, sure,” says Sally, “He snores while I masturbate.”