Apparently a Minuteman missle crew has painted the massive concrete door atop one of their ICBM silos to look like a pizza box. It has the logo:
“Delivery anywhere in the world within thirty minutes or the second one’s free.”
Tag: Story
Golf Shots
A man and his wife are playing golf together when he slices his tee shot well off the fairway,landing near an old barn. Upon surveying the shot he determines that he can either take a wedge and play over the barn and safely back out to the fairway, or try a long shot 3 iron down beside the barn to the green. He elects to try the 3 iron. But the ball strikes the side of the barn, bounces back, hitting his wife right between the eyes, killing her.
Well, needless to say the man didn’t play for quite sometime. When he did finally return with a friend to play again, sure enough he hit the same shot, slicing his tee shot behind the barn.
Looking over the shot he asked his friend to hand him his wedge. His friend said, “No … look, you can take your 3 iron and try for the green.”
The man said, “Are you kidding me? Don’t you know what happened last time I tried that shot?”
The friend looked puzzled. “What happened?”
“I took a 7.”
Lightning Storm on the Golf Course
Joe: Bill,what do you do when there is a thunderstorm on the golf course?
Bill: I hold my 1 iron straight up in the air.
Joe: Why?
Bill: Because,even GOD couldn’t hit a 1 iron!
Golf Death
Harry got home from his round of golf later than normal and very tired. “Bad day at the course?” his wife asked him.
“Everything was going fine,” he said. “Then Barney had a heart attack and died on the 11th tee.”
“Oh, that’s awful!”
“You’re not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Barney, hit the ball, drag Barney.”
Golf Score
The golfer called one of the caddies and said, “I want a caddy who can count and keep the score. What’s 3 and 4 and 5 come to?”
“11 sir.” said the caddy.
“Good, you’ll do perfectly.”
Golfing Priest
One Sunday morning a Catholic priest wakes up and notices it’s a gorgeous day – so beautiful that he couldn’t possibly turn away from playing golf. So he decides to play but has one problem. The priest has to say Mass in just a couple of hours. The priest thinks, then asks another priest if he would say his masses today because the first priest isn’t feeling well. The other priest agrees.
So now the first priest is off to the golf course. He decides to play a little bit past town thinking that way no one could possibly see him playing golf, since he was suppose to be sick. Right before he tees off on the first hole, St. Peter turns to Jesus and says, “Are you going to let him get away with that?”
Jesus replies “No, I guess not.”
So the priest tees off on the first hole, the longest par 4 on the course. He hits the ball and to his surprise sinks it in!!! A hole in one!!!
St. Peter turns to Jesus and says, “I thought you weren’t going to let him get away with lying?”
Jesus replies: “I’m not.”
St. Peter then says, “Well, he just made a hole in one on the longest par 4 of the course!!!”
Jesus turns to St. Peter and says, “Yes, but who is he going to tell?”
Putting for Gold
Three old men are about to get started for 18 holes one day when the starter asks if they would mind a young lady joining them. When they see a beautiful and veluptuous blonde, they accept readily!
For 17 holes, this blonde golfs horribly. On the 18th hole, a par 5, she manages to reach the green in 4, but has a 40 foot putt to sink for par. “I would give anything, anything in the world, if I could only sink this putt” she exclaims.
Thinking as old men do, each offers assistance in turn. The first old man says, “hold your hands tight together and aim about six inches right of the hole.”
The second says, “No, no, aim just left of the hole and make sure to hit it firm so as not to leave it short!”
The 3rd gentleman surveys the hole carefully and says, “Ah, it’s a gimme!”
Funeral Procession
A golfer is lining up his putt on the eighth green one morning when a funeral procession drives by. He immediately stops, removes his cap and bows his head until the procession passes.
One of his playing partners is impressed by this show of respect and comments on it to which the golfer replies, “It’s the least I can do, after all, we had been married for 28 years.”
Who Does He Think He Is?
Jesus and Moses were golfing one day. When they came to a hole with a water hazard in front of the green, Moses told Jesus to lay up short and chip to the green.
Jesus said, “Arnold Palmer can make the green from here, so can I.”
Jesus shot and landed in the water. Jesus said “Darn,” walked on the water, reached in and got his ball. He walked back, dropped his ball and swung again. Again he landed in the water.
After Jesus retrieved his ball for the third time, Moses again told him to lay up short, but Jesus wouldn’t listen, insisting that if Arnold could make it so could he.
After hitting the ball for the fourth time, he went to go get it. While he was standing on the water two golfers came over the hill. One shouted at Moses, “Who does he think he is, Jesus?”
“No!” shouted Moses, “He thinks he’s Arnold Palmer.”
LOFT
One day the golf pro at the club was playing golf with three members and on the first tee the first member hits a big hook into the woods on the left and turns and asks the pro, “What causes that, Pro?” And the pro replys, “LOFT.”
The next member gets up and hits a big slice into the water on the right and turns and asks the pro, “What causes that, Pro?” And the pro replys, “LOFT.”
The last member gets up and hits a worm burner down the middle and turns and ask the pro, “What causes that, Pro?” And the pro replys, “LOFT.”
The member gets irate and says, “Look pro, Bob hits a hook and you say LOFT, Bill hits a slice and you say LOFT, and I dripple it down the middle and you say LOFT. What is this LOFT?”
The pro says “LOFT, you know, Lack Of Frigging Talent.”