Tag: Story


Golf Death

Harry got home from his round of golf later than normal and very tired. “Bad day at the course?” his wife asked him.

“Everything was going fine,” he said. “Then Barney had a heart attack and died on the 11th tee.”

“Oh, that’s awful!”

“You’re not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Barney, hit the ball, drag Barney.”

Golfing Priest

One Sunday morning a Catholic priest wakes up and notices it’s a gorgeous day – so beautiful that he couldn’t possibly turn away from playing golf. So he decides to play but has one problem. The priest has to say Mass in just a couple of hours. The priest thinks, then asks another priest if he would say his masses today because the first priest isn’t feeling well. The other priest agrees.

So now the first priest is off to the golf course. He decides to play a little bit past town thinking that way no one could possibly see him playing golf, since he was suppose to be sick. Right before he tees off on the first hole, St. Peter turns to Jesus and says, “Are you going to let him get away with that?”

Jesus replies “No, I guess not.”

So the priest tees off on the first hole, the longest par 4 on the course. He hits the ball and to his surprise sinks it in!!! A hole in one!!!

St. Peter turns to Jesus and says, “I thought you weren’t going to let him get away with lying?”

Jesus replies: “I’m not.”

St. Peter then says, “Well, he just made a hole in one on the longest par 4 of the course!!!”

Jesus turns to St. Peter and says, “Yes, but who is he going to tell?”

Putting for Gold

Three old men are about to get started for 18 holes one day when the starter asks if they would mind a young lady joining them. When they see a beautiful and veluptuous blonde, they accept readily!

For 17 holes, this blonde golfs horribly. On the 18th hole, a par 5, she manages to reach the green in 4, but has a 40 foot putt to sink for par. “I would give anything, anything in the world, if I could only sink this putt” she exclaims.

Thinking as old men do, each offers assistance in turn. The first old man says, “hold your hands tight together and aim about six inches right of the hole.”

The second says, “No, no, aim just left of the hole and make sure to hit it firm so as not to leave it short!”

The 3rd gentleman surveys the hole carefully and says, “Ah, it’s a gimme!”

Funeral Procession

A golfer is lining up his putt on the eighth green one morning when a funeral procession drives by. He immediately stops, removes his cap and bows his head until the procession passes.

One of his playing partners is impressed by this show of respect and comments on it to which the golfer replies, “It’s the least I can do, after all, we had been married for 28 years.”

Who Does He Think He Is?

Jesus and Moses were golfing one day. When they came to a hole with a water hazard in front of the green, Moses told Jesus to lay up short and chip to the green.

Jesus said, “Arnold Palmer can make the green from here, so can I.”

Jesus shot and landed in the water. Jesus said “Darn,” walked on the water, reached in and got his ball. He walked back, dropped his ball and swung again. Again he landed in the water.

After Jesus retrieved his ball for the third time, Moses again told him to lay up short, but Jesus wouldn’t listen, insisting that if Arnold could make it so could he.

After hitting the ball for the fourth time, he went to go get it. While he was standing on the water two golfers came over the hill. One shouted at Moses, “Who does he think he is, Jesus?”

“No!” shouted Moses, “He thinks he’s Arnold Palmer.”

LOFT

One day the golf pro at the club was playing golf with three members and on the first tee the first member hits a big hook into the woods on the left and turns and asks the pro, “What causes that, Pro?” And the pro replys, “LOFT.”

The next member gets up and hits a big slice into the water on the right and turns and asks the pro, “What causes that, Pro?” And the pro replys, “LOFT.”

The last member gets up and hits a worm burner down the middle and turns and ask the pro, “What causes that, Pro?” And the pro replys, “LOFT.”

The member gets irate and says, “Look pro, Bob hits a hook and you say LOFT, Bill hits a slice and you say LOFT, and I dripple it down the middle and you say LOFT. What is this LOFT?”

The pro says “LOFT, you know, Lack Of Frigging Talent.”

Golf Story

A good ‘ol boy businessman found himself in the same foursome as Ben Hogan at a pro-am. After watching Hogan hit a four iron to a par three of some 190 yards and having it check abruptly not 10 feet from the pin he saunterd over to Ben and put his arm around his shoulder.

Unaware of Hogans rather surly demeanor and sharp wit he asked how he, Hogan, had managed to hit this remarkable shot and if he too could learn how to do it.

Hogan turned after removing the man’s arm and asked him just how far he hit HIS four iron. The ‘ol boy replied quite happily that he could manage about 150 to 160 yards whereupon Hogan uttered, “Then I see no reason as to why you would NEED to learn that shot.” and turned on his heel and walked away.

Divine Golf

Guy comes to a water hole and only has two balls left — an old one and a new one. Naturally, he tees up the old ball.

A voice from above booms: “Pick up the old ball … tee up the new ball.”

He picks up the old ball, tees up the new one and gets ready to swing.

The voice from above is heard again: “First, take a practice swing.” Guy takes a practice swing.

Voice from above: “Tee up the old ball!”