Tag: Story


Race to the Ground

Three guys are in a plane and are going skydiving. The first man jumps and pulls the string for his parachute. The seocnd guy does the same, pulls his string after jumping. Both of thier parachutes open. The third guy jumps and pulls his string but for some reason the parachute doesn’t open. He falls toward the ground at about eighty miles an hour. He passes the second guy who is floating peacefully with his parachute open. The second guy looks at the third guy and says surprisingly, “Oh, so you really wanna race?” And he takes off his parachute.

Three Friends Stranded in the Desert

Once there were three friends stranded in the desert because their car blew up. They were deserted for two months with nothing to eat but their own shoes and hair. Once they were completely bald and barefoot one of the guys tripped over a magic lamp.

“LET’S EAT IT!” said the 2nd guy.

“YES, YES LET’S EAT THE YUMMY DELICOUS LAMP.” said the 3rd guy.

“WAIT! Are you guys nuts?!” asked the 1st guy.

“Yes, why?” they both replied.

“WE WILL BE SWIMMING IN HOT DOGS AND CORN NUTS BECAUSE THIS IS SUPPOSED TO HAVE A GENIE IN IT!”

“YEAH HOT DOGS AND CORN NUTS!”

They rubbed the lamp.

“WHAT DO YOU WANT YOU FOOLS?!?” the genie yelled.

“Wishes sir”

“Okey dokey. You get one wish each.”

1st guy: I WANNA GO HOME

2nd: TAKE ME HOME

3rd: I’m bored I wish all of my friends were back here with me.

Family Questions

A family is setting around the supper table and the son asks if he can ask a personal question? The father said ask away. The young man asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?”

The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.”

“Onions?”

“Yes, you see them and they make you cry.”

This infuriated the wife and daughter so the daughter said, “Can I ask a personal question? Mom, how many kind of penises are there?”

The mother, surprised, smiles, and looks at her husband and answers, “Well, daughter, a man goes through three phases. In a man’s twenties, a man’s penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.”

“A Christmas tree?”

“Yes, all dried up and the balls are there for decoration only.”

Pay Attention

First year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, “In medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor:

The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body.” For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.

“Go ahead and do the same thing,” he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, “The second important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger.

Now pay attention.”

Why we make fun of Aggies

A man was driving home from college station to visit his family. He was listening to the radio and was getting fed up with all the Aggie jokes he was hearing. Then, out of the corner of his eye he saw an Aggie in the middle of a corn field rowing a boat. Upset with the jokes from earlier, he pulls his car over and screams out the the Aggie in the boat, “It is Aggies like you that make us look stupid and starts all those damn jokes. And if i could swim I would kick you ass!”

Rainy Day Affair

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One wet and rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway. She looked out the window and yelled to her lover. Quick jump out the window. My husband’s home early!!

“I can’t jump out the window!” came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets “It’s raining out there!”

“If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both!” she replied. “He’s got a very quick temper and a very large gun, the rain is the least of your problems!”

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town’s annual marathon.

So he started running alongside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while, a small group of runners, which had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

“Do you always run in the nude?” one asked.

“Oh yes!” he replied, gasping in air. “It feels so wonderfully free.”

Another runner moved alongside. “Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?”

“Oh, yes” our friend answered breathlessly. “That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!”

“Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried. “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”

“Nope………just when it’s raining.”

Christians vs. Jewish Golf Tournament

The Pope met with a Cardinal to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. “Your holiness,” said the Cardinal, “Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match.” The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.

“Not to worry,” said the Cardinal, “we’ll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We’ll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres… We can’t lose!” Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.

Two days later, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. “I came in second, your Holiness,” said Nicklaus.

“SECOND?” exclaimed the surprised Pope. “YOU LOST TO SHIMON PERES?!!”

“No,” said Nicklaus calmly, “second to Rabbi Woods.”