Fun Things to do at Work

1) Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.

2) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.

3) Make up nicknames for all your co-workers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point, Sparky.” “No, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha.

4) Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you’re doing. For example: “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”

5) Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven’t lost them as much since you did this.

6) While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.

7) Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.

8) Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document.

9) Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if they want fries with that.

10) Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

11) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.

12) Put your trash can on your desk. Label it “IN”.

13) Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.

14) Send e-mail messages saying there’s free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, “oh you’ve got to be faster than that.”

15) Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

Redneck Students

Two dumb redneck friends are beginning to attend school. One of the friends goes to the University to speak with a counselor about the course work each of them are going to take.

The counselor tells him that he needs to take a logic class. The redneck asks, “What’s logic.” The counselor says, “Well, do you own a lawn mower?” He replies, “Yes.” “Well then you must live in a house,” replies the counselor. “Sure do,” says the student. “And if you live in a house, then you’re probably married.” says the counselor. “And if your married, then you’re probably heterosexual.” The counselor advises, “Well, this is logic.”

So, the redneck returns to his friend and tells him they need to take a logic class. His friends asks, “What’s logic?”

He replies, “Well, you own a lawn mower, right?” His friend replies, “No.”

“Then you must be a fag.”

Clinton vs. Gas Station Attendant

Last summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas.

On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas. It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary’s high school love. Bill was quite amused at this, but didn’t mention anything at the time. They exchanged hellos and went on their way.

As they were driving on to their destination, Bill put his arm around Hillary and said, “Well, honey, if you had stayed with him, you would be the wife of a service station owner today.”

She smirked and replied, “No, if I had stayed with him, he would be President of the United States.

Irish Drunk Driver

An Irishman, quite drunk, is driving wildly through the streets of Dublin.

A cop, spotting the car weaving violently all over the city’s roads, races after him and pulls him over.

“So, might I ask,” says the cop to the driver, “where have you been?”

“Well constable, I’ve spent a fine evening at Patty’s Pub,” slurs the drunk.

“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few pints.”

“I did all right, holding my own and all,” the drunk says with a smile.

The cop, now standing straight and folding his arms, says sternly, “Did you know that back at the intersection of Clare and Moyasta, your wife fell out of your car?”

“Oh, thank heavens!” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

Texan Rescue

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it become her turn to get on the bus she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the bus’ first step. So, slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus to discover she still could not make the step. So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more. And for a second time she attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt. So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.

About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus. Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero, screeching at him…”How dare you touch my body!! I don’t even know who you are!!”

At this the Texan drawled “Well ma’am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends.”

Blind WalMart Associate

A woman goes into Walmart to buy her husband a rod and reel set. She doesn’t know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the cash register. There is a Walmart “Associate” standing there wearing dark sunglasses. The lady says, “Excuse me sir, can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?”

He says, “Ma’am, I’m blind, but if you will drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes.” She didn’t believe him, but dropped the rod and reel on the counter anyway. The cashier said, “That’s a 6′ graphite rod with a Penn 202 reel and 12 lb. Test line…it’s a good all-around rod and reel, and it’s on sale for $20.00.”

She says, “That’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it’s just what I’m looking for, so I’ll take it.” The cashier walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime, the woman farts.

At first, she is embarrassed, but then realizes that there is no way the cashier could tell it was her, being blind, he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around. He rings up the sale and says, “That will be $25.50, please, Ma’am.”

She says, “But didn’t you say it was on sale for $20.00?”

He replies, “Yes Ma’am, the rod and reel are on sale for $20.00, but the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink-bait is $2.50.”

Bill Clinton and the Pig

Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.

Bill told his driver to go up to the farm house and explain to the owners what had happened.

About 1 hour later Bill sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn. “What happened to you?”, asked Bill.

“Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the Cigar and his 19 year old daughter made mad passionate love to me,” said the driver.

“My God, what did you tell them?”, asks Clinton. The driver replies, “I’m Bill Clinton’s driver, and I just killed the pig.”

Gorilla Removal

A man walks out to his backyard one morning, looks up in his tree, and sees a gorilla. Not knowing what else to do, he goes inside and looks in the yellow pages, and, sure enough, there’s one entry under gorilla removal.

So he calls and talks to the owner of the business. The businessman says “Well, do you know if it’s a male or a female gorilla?” The homeowner says he thinks it’s a male. The businessman says “O.K., no problem, I’ll be right over.”

About 30 minutes later, a truck shows up at the man’s house, a guy gets out