Did You Know ….
Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus?
It is called the anal optic nerve.
It is responsible for giving people a crappy outlook on life.
If you don’t believe it, pull a hair from your ass, and see if it doesn’t bring a tear to your eye.
Q: How are Michael and Janet Jackson the same?
A: Both take advantage of young boys.
Two muffins were in the oven and one muffin said to the other, “Is it hot in here, or is it just me?”
Then, the other muffin yelled,”AHHHHHH! A talking muffin?”
The Pope met with a Cardinal to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. “Your holiness,” said the Cardinal, “Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match.” The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.
“Not to worry,” said the Cardinal, “we’ll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We’ll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres… We can’t lose!” Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.
Two days later, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. “I came in second, your Holiness,” said Nicklaus.
“SECOND?” exclaimed the surprised Pope. “YOU LOST TO SHIMON PERES?!!”
“No,” said Nicklaus calmly, “second to Rabbi Woods.”
Q: Why does cheese have holes??
A: Because Brandon got bored.
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One wet and rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway. She looked out the window and yelled to her lover. Quick jump out the window. My husband’s home early!!
“I can’t jump out the window!” came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets “It’s raining out there!”
“If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both!” she replied. “He’s got a very quick temper and a very large gun, the rain is the least of your problems!”
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town’s annual marathon.
So he started running alongside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while, a small group of runners, which had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
“Do you always run in the nude?” one asked.
“Oh yes!” he replied, gasping in air. “It feels so wonderfully free.”
Another runner moved alongside. “Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?”
“Oh, yes” our friend answered breathlessly. “That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!”
“Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried. “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”
“Nope………just when it’s raining.”
A man goes to the doctors and says, “Doctor, doctor it hurts when I touch here, here, and here. What is wrong with me?”
The doctor says, “I think you have broken your finger!”
A-1 Steak Sauce Kootchie: Yeah, It’s that important
Apple Jack’s Kootchie: We eat what we like
Apple Jack’s Kootchie: But they don’t taste like apples
Carnation Instant Breakfast Kootchie: You’re gonna love it in an instant
Chili’s Kootchie: I want my baby back……
Coca-Cola Kootchie: Have a coke and a smile
Dell Kootchie: Easy as Dell
Discover Card Kootchie: Discover the possibilities
Ford Kootchie: Have you driven a ford lately?
Fruit Loops Kootchie: Follow your nose…..
Golden Crisp Kootchie: Can’t get enough of that golden crisp
Herbal Essences Kootchie: Yes, Yes, YES!!!
Hidden Valley Ranch: Taste is everything
Hostess Kootchie: Hey, Where’s the creme filling?
Hostess Kootchie 2: Now that’s the stuff
Jell-o Kootchie: There’s always room for jello
Kool-Aid Kootchie: Oh Yeah
Lay’s Kootchie: Get your own Bag
Life Savers Kootchie: So full of life (savers)
Mastercard Kootchie: For everything else there’s mastercard
Mercury Kootchie: Imagine yourself in a mercury
Mcdonald’s Kootchie: I’m lovin’it
Mcdonald’s Kootchie: Change is good
Milk Kootchie: Got Milk
Nintendo 64 Kootchie: Get in or get out
Oreo’s Kootchie: Unlock the magic
Pepto Bismol Kootchie: Pink does more than you think
Playstation 2 Kootchie: Live in your world, play in ours
Pokemon Kootchie: Gotta Catch Em’ All
Pork Kootchie: The other white meat
Reese’s Kootchie: There’s no wrong way to eat a reese’s
Sara Lee Kootchie: Nobody doesn’t like Sara Lee
Sherwin Williams Kootchie: Where to get it
Skittles Kootchie: Taste the Rainbow
Snicker’s Kootchie: Hungry, Why wait
Subway Kootchie: Eat fresh
Super Soaker Kootchie: Wetter is better
Tressame Kootchie: Ooh Laa Laa
Twix Kootchie: The CreamyChewyCaramelChocolateyCrunchyCookie
Tyson’s Kootchie: Feeding you like family
Visine Kootchie: Get’s the red out
Wendy’s Kootchie: Eat great even late
Zip-lock Kootchie: Designed with you in mind
Yo Daddy is so bald that when he when he wears a turtle neck, he looks like a broken condom.
A guy is sitting on the side of the road saying “99 99 99”.
A blonde woman walks up and says, “Hi, what’s your name?”
The guy says, “99 99 99”.
The blonde sees a butterfly and runs after the butterfly onto the road and gets hit by a car. The man says, “99 100 100”.