Transatlantic Flight

On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and the situation becomes extremely perilous when one wing is struck by lightning.

One woman in particular loses control and stands up in the front of the plane. Sobbing, she screams, “I’m too young to die!”. A moment later she wails, “If I am going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I have had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I’ve had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?!”. For a moment there is silence. The passengers have forgotten their own peril, and they stare, riveted, at the
desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Suddenly, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. “I can make you feel like a woman,” he says. He is gorgeous, tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes. He begins to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves or speaks, transfixed. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as this strange, swarthy man approaches.

He removes his shirt, revealing his tanned flesh. The muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches for her, extending his arms and the shirt to the trembling woman. He reaches her, finally, and whispers, “Iron this.”

The Reporter

A reporter walked up to a group of four guys on the street. There was a Saudi Arabian, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker. He asked them, “Excuse me, what’s your opinion of the meat shortage?”

The Saudi replied, “What’s a shortage?”

The Russian asked, “What is meat?”

The North Korean said, “What is an opinion?”

And the New Yorker says, “What’s excuse me?”

The Infertility Problem

A woman goes to a doctor to discuss her husband’s infertility problem. The doctor says just give your husband these pills in his next meal and standback.

The woman goes home and hands the pills to her cook who was preparing dinner for a dinner party later that night. The woman says to the cook, “just put two of these in my husband dinner tonight”.

As the woman walks out of the kitchen the cook thinks, sure, like I got nothing better to do, and she throws the whole bunch into the soup.

As the guests were sitting down to dinner, the cook comes out of the kitchen and advises the lady of the house that she must speak to her in that there is a big problem in the kitchen.

The lady of the house follows the cook into the kitchen and demands to know what is going on. The cook admits to throwing all the pills into the soup and crys, “I don’t know what to do, the meat balls have doubled in size and the vermicelli is standing straight up”.

News Story

A reporter goes way up into the hills of West Virginia to write an article about the area. He meets an old man in a small town and asks him about any memorable events in his life.

The old man says, “Well, one time my favourite sheep got lost, so me and my neighbours got some moonshine and went looking for it. We looked and looked and finally found the sheep. Then we drank the moonshine and one by one, started screwing the sheep. It was a lot of fun!”

The reporter figured he can’t write an article about that, so he asked the old man to tell him another story.

The old man said, “Well, one time my neighbour’s wife got lost, so me and all the village men got some moonshine and went out looking for her. We looked and looked and finally we found her. Then we drank the moonshine and one by one, screwed the neighbour’s wife. Now, THAT was a lot of fun!”

The reporter, feeling frustrated, told the old man that he couldn’t write articles about those stories and asked him if he had any dramatic or sad memories that he could talk about.

The old man paused a little and with a sad expression on his face said, “Well, one time I was lost …”