Q: You are in a room with a mass murderer, a terrorist and a lawyer. You have a gun with only two bullets. What do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
Tag: One-Liner
Constipated Mathematician
Q: Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A: He worked it out with a pencil.
Gynecologists and Puppies
Q: What do Nearsighted Gynecologists and Puppies have in common?
A: They both have wet noses.
Going to Church
Son: “Dad, did you go to Church when you were a little boy?”
Dad: “Yes son, every single Sunday.”
Son: “Thought so. Bet it won’t do me any good either.”
Bolt or Screw
“What’s the difference between a nail, a screw and a bolt?” the woodwork teacher asked the only girl in the class during the first day of school.
She pondered the question for a moment, then replied, “Well, I can’t rightly say as I know, ’cause I ain’t never been ‘bolted’.”
Rednecks and Roosters
Q: What do you get when you cross a redneck and a rooster?
A: A whole new breed!
Two Men At Once
Ask any man, and he will tell you that any woman’s ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once. While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one is cooking and the other is cleaning.
Mexican Fireman
Q: Did you hear about the Mexican Fireman whose wife gave birth to twin boys?
A: He named them Jose and Hose B.
Cocaine Quote
“The president has never done cocaine,” said Jim Kennedy, a spokesman for the White House counsel’s office. “That applies to his entire life.”
–Andrew Cain
The Washington Times
24 August 1999
Blind Marriage
If love is blind and marriage is an institution, does that mean that marriage is an institution for the blind?