Airplane Restroom

A man in an airplane has to go to the bathroom really badly. He stands up to go over to the bathroom and tries to open the door. Its locked. He sits down and tries five minutes later. Its locked. He does this several times until one time one of the laides tells him to just go into the girls bathroom and that she would watch it for him. Before he walks in the lady said, “Make sure you don’t touch the atr button. No matter what.” So the guy says, “Sure, no problem.”

So he gets in there and sits down and starts doing his business. He see’s three buttons. The first button says ww. So he pushes it and a warm mist sprays his behind. He says, “that was pleasant lets try the next one.” He looks and it says, “p.” So he pushes it. A cool powder splashes up on him in the same spot. So he says, “this is great the atr button can’t be that bad.” So he pushes it.

He wakes up the next morning and asks, ” Where am I? That same lady is next to his bed and she says, “I told you not to push the atr button didn’t I.” He said, “yes, but all of the other buttons were fine. What was the atr button anyway?” She responded, “an automatic tampon remover.”

Crash Course in Chinese

Are you harboring a fugitive?
Hu Yu Hai Ding?

See me ASAP
Kum Hia Nao

Stupid man
Dum Gai

Did you go to the beach?
Wai Yu So Tan?

I bumped into a coffee table
Ai Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a face-lift
Chin Tu Fat

It’s very dark in here
Wai So Dim?

I thought you were on a diet
MunChing?

I got this for free
Ai No Pei

Small horse
Tai Ni Po Ni

Stay out of sight
Lei Lo

He’s cleaning his automobile
Wa Shing Ka

Please stay a while longer
Wai Go Nao?

Your body odor is offensive
Yu Stin Ki, Pu

Genie In A Bottle

One day this man and woman are playing golf at a golf course. So, the woman steps up to her ball and swings. The ball slices to the right and the two here the ball smash through a window.

They look at each other and the man says, “Well, we’d better go talk to the owner of the house and pay for the window. So the couple knock on the door and a man with a welt on his head dressed in funny clothes answers the door. The woman asks, “Oh, are you okay?”

The man says, “Yes, actually you released me, see I’m a Genie I’ve been trapped for 10,000 years, and for that I’ll grant you both one wish.” So the woman asks for a new wardrobe, and the man asks for one billion dollars every year for the rest of his life. Then the genie snaps his fingers and says, “There it’s done,” he continues, “you know a genie gets kind of lonely so if I could just have 20 minutes with your wife I’ll be happy.”

The couple discusses it and agree with it. After 20 great minutes of love making the genie and the woman come out and the genie asks, “How old are you miss, 20?” The woman replies, “Why yes!” “And how old are you sir?” “Fourty-three” “So, shouldn’t you know there are no such things as genies’?”

Pre-Marital Discussion

An elderly pair (he a widower, she a widow) meet in a retirement village. They seem to hit it off; they share each other’s values, enjoy the same jokes, and find pleasure in each other’s company.

After a few months, the widower asks for the hand of the widow in marriage. She appears hesitant and decided to probe her soon-to-be a little.

“Perhaps I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth, bu t

The Preacher’s Pin

After church on Sunday, the Preacher approached a man. He said, “Sir, your wife has a tendency to fall asleep throughout my sermon. I’m going to give you this safety pin and everytime I wink at you, stick it into her side to wake her up.” The man gladly took the pin and planned to do as the preacher had asked.

The following Sunday, the man and his wife showed up to church. The preacher began to start his sermon. He said, “Do all of you know who was born of the Virgin Mary and became our Savior?” He suddenly winked at the man. The man quickly thrusted the safety pin into his wife’s side. She said, “Jesus Christ!” The whole congregation replied with, “Amen, amen.”

The Preacher continued..”And who died on the cross to free us from our sins?” He winked again. The man stuck his wife and she shouted, “JESUS CHRIST!” Again the whole congregation replied, “Amen, amen.”

The Preacher continued once more

Blonde Mother

There was a red head, a brunette, and a blonde talking about their children. The red head said, “I am so dissappointed in my daughter. I walked into her room the other day and found a package of cigarettes on the ground … I can’t believe she smokes.”

The brunette said, “I know exactly how you feel. I walked into my daughter’s closet the other day and found an empty vodka bottle … I can’t believe she drinks.”

Then the blonde said, “I know exactly what both of you are talking about. I walked into MY daughter’s room and found an empty condom wrapper on the ground … I can’t believe she has a penis.”