Ever-Nagging Wife

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, “You can have her shipped home for $5,000 or you can bury her here for $150.” The man thought about it and told him he would have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, “Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would only spend $150?”

The man replied, “Long ago, a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance.”

Potato Story

Are you ready for a potato story?

A girl potato and boy potato had eyes for each other and finally, they got married and had a little sweet potato, which they called “Yam.”

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn’t accidentally get mashed and get a bad name for herself like “Hot Potato” and end up with a bunch of tater tots.

Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her! But on the other hand, she wouldn’t stay home and become a couch potato either. She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her shoestring cousins.

When she went off to Europe , Mr. And Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland and the greasy guys from France called the French fries. And when she went out West to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn’t get scalloped.

Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn’t associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, “Frito Lay.”

Mr. And Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that’s Potato University) so that when she graduated she’d really be in the chips. But in spite of all they did for her, one day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw! Really??

As you could probably imagine, Mr. And Mrs. Potato were very upset. They really wanted so much better for Yam. They told Yam she couldn’t possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he’s just…….

Are you ready for this?

A COMMON TATER

Donald Trump Meets the Queen

Donald Trump is meeting The Queen, and he says to her:  “As I’m the President, I’m thinking of changing how the country is referred to, and I’m thinking that it should be a Kingdom.”
To which the Queen replies, “I’m sorry Mr. Trump, but to be a Kingdom, you have to have a King in charge – and you’re not a King.”
Donald Trump thought a while and then said, “How about a Principality then?” to which the Queen replied, “Again, to be a Principality you have to be a Prince – and you’re not a Prince, Mr. Trump.”
Trump thought long and hard and came up with, “How about an Empire then?”
The Queen, getting a little pissed off by now replied, “Sorry again, Mr. Trump, but to be an Empire you must have an Emperor in charge – and you are not an Emperor.”
Before Trump could utter another word, The Queen said, “I think you’re doing quite nicely as a Country.”