Category: Body / Anatomy / Health

A man sets out to find work as a lumberjack. The last available slot is in the middle of the desert. Then the man meets the manager and gets the tour, but when they are finished the manager says: The only bad part of this job is that there is not one woman around for 200 miles.” This worried the man as to how he would be able to fulfill his sensual pleasures without any women around. So he asks this question to the manager, and the manager says: “I’m not supposed to tell you this, but about a half mile to the east there is a special tree called the Tree of Pleasure. Stick your rod in there and you will find all the pleasure you need.”

For the next three days, the man does this, and each time has awesome pleaure. On the fourth day, nothing happens. The man goes to the manager and says, “What’s the deal?” The manager says: “Oh, I forget to tell you, today its your turn to sit in the tree.”

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head!

But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink.

Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy.

With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.

Swoooop! A torso pops out!

The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again.

The patrons chant “Take another drink”! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay.

Swoooop! Two arms pops out.

The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again.

The patrons chant “Take another drink”! The bartender ignores the whole affair.

By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it.

Swoooop! Two legs pop out.

The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God.

The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left … then to the right … right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent.

The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says …

(wait for it)

(it’s coming! )

(Ya ready?)

(don’t hate me)

(take a deep breath)

“He should have quit while he was a head!”

It’s hard being a dick.

I have a head I can’t think with.

An eye I can’t see out of.

I have to hang around with two nuts all the time.

And alot of times I just have to hang in there.

But, sometimes, when I am let free, I barf all over the whole damned place.

And now that I have AIDS and my whole fu*king life is waisting away I have now realized it wasn’t worth it after all.

Did You Know ….

Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus?

It is called the anal optic nerve.

It is responsible for giving people a crappy outlook on life.

If you don’t believe it, pull a hair from your ass, and see if it doesn’t bring a tear to your eye.