Show Fur

The all-knowing, all-seeing Karnak held the envelope to his forehead and, while devining the question inside said, “Show Fur”.

He then opened the envelope and read, “What Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears and Jennifer Lopez will do if their pants get any lower.”

Chicken at the Movies

An old guy approaches the window of the movie theatre with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, “Well, my pet chicken, of course!”

The girl tells him that he CAN’T take a chicken into the theatre, so he goes around the corner, and stuffs the chicken into his pants. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the theatre, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his pants so the chicken can stick it’s head out and watch the movie. Sitting next to him is Susan. She elbows Lucy and whispers, “Lucy, this man over here has just unzipped his pants!”

Lucy whispers back, “Oh, don’t worry about it … you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.”

Susan says, “I KNOW … but this one’s eating my POPCORN!!”

Thought Provoking

Deep Thoughts……by Dennis Miller

Don’t sweat the petty things and Don’t pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?
Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?
And whose cruel idea was it to put an “S” in the word “Lisp”?
If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him