Stupid, Stupid, Stupid

Stupid people should be required to wear signs that just say, “I’m stupid.” That way you wouldn’t rely on them, would you? You wouldn’t ask them anything. It would be like, “Excuse me … oops, never mind. I didn’t see your sign.”

It’s like before my wife and I moved from Texas to California, our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My neighbor comes over and says, “Hey, You moving?” “Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week just to see how many boxes it takes. Here’s your sign.”

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big ‘of stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock says, “Hey, y’all catch all them fish?” “Nope. Talked ’em into giving up. Here’s your sign.”

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel, there was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. There’s only one way to test that … “Alright, Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good … they want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you.” “Well, all right … hold my sign, I don’t wanna lose it.”

Last time I was home I was driving around and got a flat tire. I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations, the attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me and I SWEAR he said, “Tire go flat?” I couldn’t resist. I said, “Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here’s your sign.”

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago, a guy came over to the house, drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, “Darn that’s hot!” See … If he’d been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

Know anyone who needs a sign?

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