Twas the Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas,
When all through the house,
The whole damn family was drunk as a louse.
Grandpa and Grandma decked in leather and chains,
Where watching the kids dueling with candy canes.

Ma home from the cathouse,
And I out of jail, had just settled
Down for a good piece of tail.
When out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter,
I jumped out of bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I made a mad dash,
Threw open the window and fell on my ass!
And what to my bloodshot eyes should appear
But a rusty old sleigh and a dozen reindeer.

With a little old driver holding his stick,
I knew in a moment that drunkard was Nick!
Slower than snails his chargers they came.
He bitched and he swore as he called them by name.

“Now Dancer, now Prancer, up over the roof,
Quick now, damn it, or I’ll cut off your hoofs!”
Then up on the roof he stumbled and fell,
And came down the chimney like a bat out of hell!

He staggered and stumbled and went to the door,
He trtipped over a beer bottle and fell to the floor.
I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,
“Piss on you all, it’s a hell of a night!”

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