Deep Thoughts……by Dennis Miller
Don’t sweat the petty things and Don’t pet the sweaty things.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?
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Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
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Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
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If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?
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And whose cruel idea was it to put an “S” in the word “Lisp”?
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If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him