One day a young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. After the wedding, they left for their honeymoon. While driving down the road, the new bride sees two cows having sex. The new bride asks, “What are they doing, honey?” The husband answers, “They’re roping!” She replies, “Oh, I see!” After a few more hours of driving they pass two horses having sex. Again the bride asks, “What are they doing, honey?” The husband answers, “They’re roping!” She replies, “Oh, I see!” Finally they arrive at their hotel. The couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they got in the bed, they started to explore each other’s body. The bride discovers her husband’s penis. “What is that?” she asks. “That’s my rope,” he answers. She slides her hands down further and gasps, “What are those?” she asks. “They’re my knots,” he answers. Finally the couple begins to make love. After several minutes the bride says, “Stop honey, wait a minute! Her husband asks, “What’s the matter honey, am I hurting you? “No,” the bride replies, “undo those knots. I need more rope!”
Category: Relationships
Husband vs. Boyfriend
Q: What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
Women vs. Rocks
Q: How are women and rocks alike?
A: You skip the flat ones.
Sex Study
A recent study was made to find out what days men prefer to have sex? It was found that men preferred to engage in sexual activity on the days that started with “T”:
Tuesday, Thursday, Thanksgiving, Today, Tomorrow, Thaturday, and Thunday …
Wife vs. Girlfriend
Q: What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.
Kids View of Marriage and Relationships
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
———————————–
“You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.”
Alan, age 10
“No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.”
Kirsten, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
———————————–
“Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.”
Camille, age 10
“No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.”
Freddie, age 6
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
———————————–
“Married people usually look happy to talk to other people.”
Eddie, 6
“You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.”
Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
———————————–
“Both don’t want no more kids.”
Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
———————————–
“Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
Lynnette, age 8.
“On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.”
Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
———————————–
“I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.”
Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OK TO KISS SOMEONE?
———————————–
“When they’re rich.”
Pam, age 7
“The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.”
Curt, age 7
“The rule goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.”
Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
———————————–
“It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.”
Anita, 9
“Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn’t want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I’d just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing.”
Kirsten, age 10
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?
———————————–
“There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?”
Kelvin, age 8
“You can be sure of one thing – the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now.”
Roberta, age 7
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
———————————–
“Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.”
Ricky, age 10
News Story
A reporter goes way up into the hills of West Virginia to write an article about the area. He meets an old man in a small town and asks him about any memorable events in his life.
The old man says, “Well, one time my favourite sheep got lost, so me and my neighbours got some moonshine and went looking for it. We looked and looked and finally found the sheep. Then we drank the moonshine and one by one, started screwing the sheep. It was a lot of fun!”
The reporter figured he can’t write an article about that, so he asked the old man to tell him another story.
The old man said, “Well, one time my neighbour’s wife got lost, so me and all the village men got some moonshine and went out looking for her. We looked and looked and finally we found her. Then we drank the moonshine and one by one, screwed the neighbour’s wife. Now, THAT was a lot of fun!”
The reporter, feeling frustrated, told the old man that he couldn’t write articles about those stories and asked him if he had any dramatic or sad memories that he could talk about.
The old man paused a little and with a sad expression on his face said, “Well, one time I was lost …”
The Infertility Problem
A woman goes to a doctor to discuss her husband’s infertility problem. The doctor says just give your husband these pills in his next meal and standback.
The woman goes home and hands the pills to her cook who was preparing dinner for a dinner party later that night. The woman says to the cook, “just put two of these in my husband dinner tonight”.
As the woman walks out of the kitchen the cook thinks, sure, like I got nothing better to do, and she throws the whole bunch into the soup.
As the guests were sitting down to dinner, the cook comes out of the kitchen and advises the lady of the house that she must speak to her in that there is a big problem in the kitchen.
The lady of the house follows the cook into the kitchen and demands to know what is going on. The cook admits to throwing all the pills into the soup and crys, “I don’t know what to do, the meat balls have doubled in size and the vermicelli is standing straight up”.
Blonde’s Nursery Rhyme
Q: What’s a blonde’s favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
Branded
A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red “H” on her chest.
“How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor.
“Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue “Y” on her chest.
“How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor.
“Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green “M” on her chest.
“Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?” asks the doctor.
“No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?”