1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it’s up put it down.
3. Don’t cut your hair. Ever.
4. Sometimes, we’re not thinking about you. Live with it.
5. Get rid of your cat.
6. Sunday = Sports.
7. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
8. Women wearing Wonder bras, falsies, implants, or low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
9. You have too many shoes.
10. Crying is blackmail.