* Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
* You have a bumper sticker that says: “Coffee drinkers are good in the sack.”
* You answer the door before people knock.
* You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
* You sleep with your eyes open.
* You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
* The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.
* You lick your coffeepot clean.
* You spend every vacation visiting “Maxwell House.”
* You’re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don’t even work there.
* You’ve worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
* Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
* The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
* You’re so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
* All your kids are named “Joe.”
* Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low.”
* You don’t sweat, you percolate.
* You’ve worn out the handle on your favourite mug.
* You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
* You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.
* You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
* People get dizzy just watching you.
* When you find a penny, you say, “Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three more, I’ll have a cup.”
* You’ve worn the finish off your coffee table.
* The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you.
* Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
* Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
* You’re so wired, you pick up FM radio.
* Your life’s goal is to “amount to a hill of beans.”
* Instant coffee takes too long.
* When someone says. “How are you?”, you say, “Good to the last drop.”
* You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
* Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
* You’d be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
* You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
* You’re offended when people use the word “brew” to mean beer.
* You name your cats “Cream” and “Sugar.”
* Your Thermos is on wheels.
* Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
* You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
* You can outlast the Energiser bunny.
* You short out motion detectors.
* You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
* Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
* You think being called a “drip” is a compliment.
* You don’t tan, you roast.
* You don’t get mad, you get steamed.
* Your three favourite things in life are