Limbaughium Lb
The heaviest known element. It possesses an ever-expanding mass. Very white. Acidic. Emits heat but no light. Instantly polarises all elements that come in contact with it. Repels protons and electrons; attracts only morons.
Billclintium Bc
With a slick appearance and slimy texture, this element undergoes a series of interesting changes when in hot water.
Canadium Eh
Similar to Americium, but a little denser. Much more rigid. Often called Boron.
Newtium
Extreme irritant. Carries a strong negative charge. Does not possess magnetic properties. Can be purchased cheaply.
Quaylium Vp
Einsteinium it ain’t.
Cabmium Cb
Found in abundance, except when needed. Exists in two states, in motion and at rest. When in motion, it cannot be stopped, no matter what you do. Cabmium has a charge associated with it. The charge is variable, and scientists have not determined the formula for calculating it.
Politicium Po
Contains a great deal of gas. Similar to radon in that it can reach lethal concentrations in the House.
Congress Cg
Atomic number 525. Can never be found in a solution.
Snot Sn
Bonds forever with corduroy.