Blonde – Page 5 – JokeBarn.com

Blonde Exam

The blonde reported for her university final examination which consists of “yes/no” type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the examination paper for five minutes, then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet-Yes for Heads and No for Tails.

Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.

“I finished the exam in half an hour. But I’m rechecking my answers.”

Blonde Game

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on “Science & Nature.” Her question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?”

She thought for time and then asked, “Is it on or off?”

Blonde Patrol

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”

Gotta Love Blondes

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, “We were the first in space!” The American said, “We were the first on the moon!”

The Blonde said, “So what, we’re going to be the first on the sun!” The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. “You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!” said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, “We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!”

Blonde’s Helicopter

A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly.

As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter.

He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way. After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. “I’m doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I’m starting to get the hang of this.”

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn’t radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away.

He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage. When he asked what happened, she said, “I don’t know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can barely remember anything after I turned off the big fan!”

Blonde Therapy

A very well-built young blonde was lying on her psychiatrist’s couch, telling him how frustrated she was. “I tried to be an actress and failed,” she complained. “I tried to be a secretary and failed; I tried being a writer and failed; then I tried being a sales clerk and I failed at that, too.”

The shrink thought for a moment and said … “Everyone needs to live a full, satisfying life. Why don’t you try nursing?” The girl thinks about this, then bares one of her large, beautiful breasts, points it at the shrink, and says … “Well go ahead, I’ll give it a try!”

Blonde Vacation

My blonde cousin was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that read, “DISNEYLAND LEFT.”

After thinking for a minute, she said to herself, “Oh, well!” and turned around and drove home.

Sick of Blonde Jokes

Well, there was this blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. So one evening she went home and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, “I’ve had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do … I memorized all the state capitals.”

One of the guys, of course, said “I don’t believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?”

“N.” she answered.

Bar Room Conversation

“First,” said the good looking man, “I’m going to buy you a few drinks and get you a bit loose.”

“Oh no you’re not,” said the beautiful blonde girl.

“Then I’ll take you to dinner and ply you with a few more drinks.” He went on to say.

“Oh no you’re not.” replied the blonde firmly.

“Then I’ll take you to my place and keep serving you drinks.”

“Oh no you’re not.” She adamantly countered.

“Then I’m going to make mad, passionate love to you.”

“Oh no you’re not” she stubbornly retorted.

“And I’m not going to wear a condom either!” said the hadsome guy.

“Oh yes you are!” said the girl.

Blonde Beautys

Q: What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
A: “Look! They spelled MACY’S wrong!”

Q: Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice?
A: Because it said “concentrate.”

Q: Why can’t blondes take coffee breaks?
A: They’re too hard to retrain.

Q: What do you call nine blondes standing in a circle?
A: A dope ring.

Q: Why can’t blondes be pharmacists?
A: Because they can’t fit the bottle in the typewriter.

Q: What’s the definition of eternity?
A: Four blondes at a 4-way stop.

Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the ocean?
A: An air pocket.

Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar

Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: “This goes in front”

Q: Why did the blonde have bruises on her belly button?
A: Cause some guys are blonde, too.

And the best one for last …

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: “OH, LOOK!! Donut seeds!!”