Category: Relationships


Rules that Guys Wish Women Knew

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it’s up put it down.
3. Don’t cut your hair. Ever.
4. Sometimes, we’re not thinking about you. Live with it.
5. Get rid of your cat.
6. Sunday = Sports.
7. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
8. Women wearing Wonder bras, falsies, implants, or low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
9. You have too many shoes.
10. Crying is blackmail.

Red Rash

While undressing for bed one night, ol’ Bill notices something like a red rash around his penis. Alarmed, he thinks, “I can’t let Hillary see this!” and makes a point of getting to his doctor at Bethesda Naval Hospital the very next day.

“Doc” he says, “I’ve got this red ring around my, you know. What is it and how do I get rid of it”? The doctor says, “Well, I’m not exactly sure what it is but take these pills for a week and see if that takes care of it. If not, come back and we’ll try something else.”

Bill takes the pills for the week but,unfortunately, the red ring is still there after seven days. He goes back to his doctor and tells him that the pills hadn”t helped. So the doctor prescribes another medication, capsules this time, and gives him the same instructions, “take them for a week and come back if it’s not improved.”

Bill takes the capsules for a week and damn the red ring is still there.

So he goes back to his doctor and asks, “What next”? The doctor gives him a cream in a tube this time. “Rub this on every day for a week and let me know”.

Bill goes back in a week and says, “Great news, doc! The rash is gone!

That stuff in the tube was wonderful. What was it”? The doctor replied, “lipstick remover”

Men’s Phrases and What They Really Mean

“I’M GOING FISHING”
Translated: “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.”

“IT’S A GUY THING”
Translated: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical”.

“CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?”
Translated: “Why isn’t it already on the table?”

“UH HUH”, “SURE, HONEY”, OR “YES, DEAR”
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.

“IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN”
Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”

“I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT’S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND.”
Translated: “I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra.”

“TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU’RE WORKING TOO HARD”.
Translated: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”

“THAT’S INTERESTING, DEAR.”
Translated: “Are you still talking?”

“YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.”
Translated: “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”

“I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES”.
Translated: “The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.”

“OH, DON’T FUSS. I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT’S NO BIG DEAL.”
Translated: “I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I’m hurt.”

“HEY, I’VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I’M DOING”.
Translated: “And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.”

“I CAN’T FIND IT.”
Translated: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”

“WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?”
Translated: “What did you catch me at?”

“I HEARD YOU.”
Translated: “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next three days yelling at me.”

“YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE.”
Translated: “I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.”

“YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.”
Translated: “Oh, God, please don’t try on one more outfit, I’m starving.”

“I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.”
Translated: “No one will ever see us alive again.”

“WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK.”
Translated: “I make the messes, she cleans them up.