Q: What does a blind man says when he entersd a fish market?
A: Good morning ladies.
Dope
Q: How does a women grow her own dope?
A: She plants a man.
Given them a break?
Q) Why do men scratch their head?
A) To give their balls a rest.
Harley or Vacuum Cleaner
Q: What is the difference between a Harley and a vacuum cleaner?
A: Where the dirt bag is located.
Construction Communication
A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw, and spots another man on the 1st floor. He yells down to him, but the noise makes it impossible to hear anything, so he tries sign language.
He points at his eye meaning “I”, points at his knee
meaning “need”, and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion. The man on the 1st floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, and starts masturbating.
The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to
the 1st floor and shouts, “What the f*ck is wrong with you, idiot? I said I needed a handsaw!”
The other guy says, “I knew that, I was just trying to
tell you I’m coming.”
Your Momma’s So Fat
Your momma is so fat, she had to get baptised at Sea World.
Blondes Fishing
These two blondes went fishing. They rented a boat and rowed out into the middle of the lake. They were doing really well-pulling fish in left and right for about 3 hours. One blonde even had to go rent another boat to hold all the fish they were pulling in!!!
“Mark this spot somehow,” one blonde said to the other. “I would like to fish this well again, this seems to be our lucky spot!” she said beaming. The other blonde smiled proudly and replied, “already did, when you went for the second boat!” “Cool!”
So the blondes continued for another couple hours. After that, they got tired, so they turned in the boats and packed up the fish. On the way back to their shared apartment one blonde said curiously, “How’d you mark the spot?”
“I put a BIG ‘x’ mark on the bottom of the boat!”
The other blonde smacked her in the back of the head.
“You idiot!” she exclaimed. “What if we don’t get the same boat?”
My career was over when …
I made a living being the world’s strongest man. Once I lifted a tractor trailer 3 feet off the ground and pulled a jet down the runway but yo’ mama so fat I tried to lift her and my career was over.
The Talking Baby
There was a mom, a dad, a doctor, and a new born baby.
Well, the doctor was holding the baby when the baby poked him in the head and said, “Are you my daddy?”
The doctor replies by saying, “No, but I can take you to your Daddy.” The baby said, “O.K.” and the doctor took him to his Daddy.
When the baby was in his Daddy’s arms, the baby poked him in the head and said, “Are you my Daddy?” The father said, “Yes, I’m your Daddy.” Then the baby poked him in the head again and said, “Did you screw my Momma while she was pregnant?” The daddy said, “Yes, yes, I did.” The baby poked him in the head again and asked, “Is this annoying?” The Daddy said, “Yes, it is annoying.” The baby said, “Well, you kept poking me in the head and you know what was worst?” The dad asked, “what?” The baby spit in his dad’s face and said, “you kept spitting in my face!”
The Blonde That Couldn’t Kill Herself
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
“How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her.
“Well, I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied.
“What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?”
“No, Silly!” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest.”
“So then?” asked the doctor.
“Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.”
“So then?”
“Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.”