Yo Mama’s so poor, when I went to her house and rang the door bell, she stuck her head out of the window and yelled, “DING! DONG!”
Tag: One-Liner
Ya mama
Ya mama is so fat she has to use a mattress to wipe her butt.
Ya mama is so ugly she looked out the windows and got arrested for mooning.
Ya mama is so fat she uses a mattress for a maxi-pad.
Ya mama is so ugly when she went in a haunted house she came out with application.
New Yorker Chicken
You’ve got to love New Yorkers!
A Kentucky Fried Chicken located in New York had a special on what they were calling the “Bucket of Hillary” – two small breasts, two large thighs and a bunch of left wings.
Sex One Liners
Q: How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!
Q: What did the Indian say when the white man tied his penis in a knot?
A: “How come?”
Q: What’s the definition of a teenager?
A: God’s punishment for enjoying sex.
Q: Hear the slogan for the Stealth Condom?
A: “They’ll never see you coming.”
Q: What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?
A: S&M&M.
Q: What do Kodak film have in common with condoms?
A: Both capture the moment.
My sister is asthmatic. Last week in the middle of an attack she got an obscene phone call. (pause) He said, “Did I call you or did you call me?”
Define Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!
Q: Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
A: The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
Q: What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders?
A: A scrotum pole!
Q: What’s the ultimate in rejection?
A: When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Q: Why don’t debutantes go to orgies?
A: There’d be too many thank you notes to write.
Q: What is every Amish woman’s private fantasy?
A: Two Mennonite!
Q: Why is sex like a game of bridge?
A: If you have a good hand, you don’t need a partner.
Q: Can you say three two letter words that denote small?
A: Is it in?
Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A bingo machine.
Q: What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers?
A: One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One … Men will screw anything.
Gay Rabbit
Q: Did you hear about the gay rabbit?
A: He found a hare up his ass.
Girl Chasing
Q: Did you hear about the girl chasing the boy around the church?
A: She caught him by the organ!
Viagra
The ingredents for Viagra:
1. 2% Tylenol
2. 3% Aspirin
3. 95% Fix a flat
Blonde Beautys
Q: What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
A: “Look! They spelled MACY’S wrong!”
Q: Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice?
A: Because it said “concentrate.”
Q: Why can’t blondes take coffee breaks?
A: They’re too hard to retrain.
Q: What do you call nine blondes standing in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
Q: Why can’t blondes be pharmacists?
A: Because they can’t fit the bottle in the typewriter.
Q: What’s the definition of eternity?
A: Four blondes at a 4-way stop.
Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the ocean?
A: An air pocket.
Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar
Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: “This goes in front”
Q: Why did the blonde have bruises on her belly button?
A: Cause some guys are blonde, too.
And the best one for last …
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: “OH, LOOK!! Donut seeds!!”
Woman vs. Computer
Q: Whats the difference between a woman and a computer ?
A: A computer won’t laugh at a three and a half inch floppy.
Confuse an Idiot
Q: How do you confuse an idiot?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.
A: Give him 3 shovels and tell him to take his pick.
A: Give him a box of jaffas and tell him to eat the red ones last.
Q: How do you get a one-armed idiot out of a plane?
A: Wave.