Tag: Story


Elderly Odor

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact I’ve farted at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was farting because they didn’t smell and are silent.”

The doctor says, “I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week.”

The next week the lady goes back, “Doctor,” she says, “I don’t know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink terribly.”

“Good”, the doctor said, now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s work on your hearing.”

The Tax Man

A Tax Official has come to a rural synagogue for an inspection. The rabbi is accompanying him.

“So rabbi tell me, please, after you have distributed all your unleavened bread, what do you do with the crumbs?”

“Why, we gather them carefully and send them to the city and then they make bread of them again and send it back to us.”

“Ah. So what about candles after they are burnt? What do you do with the drippings?”

“We send them to the city as well, and they make new candles from them and send them to us.”

“And what about circumcision? What do you do with those leftover pieces?”

Wearily, the rabbi replies, “We send them to the city as well.”

“To the city!? And what do they send to you?”

“Today they have sent you to us.”

Bears on a Shelf

A guy met a girl at a nightclub, and she invited him back to her place for the night. When they arrived at her house, they went right into her bedroom. The guy saw that the room was filled with stuffed animals. There were hundreds of them all over the place.

Giant stuffed animals were on top of the wardrobe. Large stuffed animals were on the bookshelf and on the window sill, and a lot of small stuffed animals were on the bottom shelf.

Much later, after they had sex, he turned to her and asked, So . . . how was I?

Well, . . . she said, “You can take anything from the bottom shelf.”

Genie and the Lamp

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, “OK. OK. You released me from the lamp. “blah blah blah.”

“This is the fourth time this month and I’m getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish.” The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I’m scared to fly, and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit”?

The genie laughed and said, “That’s impossible. Think of the logistics of that. How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete, how much steel. NO. Think of another wish.”

So, the man tried to think of a really good wish. Finally he said, “I’ve been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don’t care and that I’m insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside and what they’re thinking when they give me the silent treatment, know why they’re crying, know how they feel inside and what they’re thinking when they say “nothing”, know how to make them truly happy.”

The genie said, “You want that bridge two lanes or four”?

Milk Blonde

This blonde heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, “I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?”

The blonde said, “I want 15 gallons. I’m going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath.”

The milkman asked, “Pasteurized?”

The blonde said, “No. Just up to my breasts.”