Category: Blonde

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

“How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her.

“Well, I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied.

“What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?”

“No, Silly!” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest.”

“So then?” asked the doctor.

“Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.”

“So then?”

“Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.”

A guy is sitting on the side of the road saying “99 99 99”.

A blonde woman walks up and says, “Hi, what’s your name?”

The guy says, “99 99 99”.

The blonde sees a butterfly and runs after the butterfly onto the road and gets hit by a car. The man says, “99 100 100”.

There were three people on an island a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde. They had to swim twenty miles to get to a civilization. The redhead goes first and swims five miles and dies. The brunette goes next and swims fourteen miles and dies. The blonde goes last. She swims nineteen miles decides she get tried and swims back to the island.

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn’t. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, “Hurry up! It’s starting to rain and the top is down.

There is a red head a blonde and brunette that were all three sentenced to death.

So, the soldiers all line up and they stick the red head out there. The captain says, “ready, aim, …” and the red head yells, “earthquake”. They all run and the red head gets away.

So, they come back the next day and it’s the brunettes turn to be sentenced for death so the captain for the second time says, “ready, aim, …” and the brunette yells, “tornado”. So, they all run and she gets away.

The third day they came back for the blonde’s turn to die and they got lined up and the captain for the third time yells, “ready, aim, …” and the blonde yells out, “FIRE!!”

A dumb blonde boards an airplane that is headed for Las Vegas. She is really determined that she will win lots of money, so much that she takes a seat in first class when her ticket is for coach. When the flight attendant is checking tickets and comes to the blonde she says, “Ma’am your ticket is for coach class, you must move back.”

The blonde replies “I’m headed for Las Vegas and I am going to win lots and lots of money.”

The flight attendant, pretty annoyed goes back to the pilot and explains the situation. The pilot comes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear. Shocked, the blonde gets up quickly and heads back to her assigned seat.

The flight attendant, very surprised, asked the pilot what he said to her?

He replied, “I told her first class was not going to Las Vegas.”