One day there was a blonde in need of money. So she went to a playground and kidnapped a kid. She pulled him over by a tree and told the kid that she was holding him ransom for $10,000. She wrote a note that said she wanted $10,000 in a paper bag tomorrow by the tree. She put the note on the kid and sent him home.
The next day, sure enough there was a paper bag there by the tree. Inside was the $10,000 and a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow blonde?”
Q: What do you call a blonde with pigtails?
A: A blowjob with handlebars.
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?”
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I’m a 6′ tall, 200 lb black belt and blonde. The guy sitting next to me is 6’2″, weighs 225 pounds and he’s a rugby player and blonde. The fella to your right is 6’5″ pushing 300 and he’s a wrestler and blonde. Think about it, Mister.
You still wanna tell that joke?”
The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she is o.k.
She replies, “Yes.”
He asks what she is doing.
She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat.
She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said …
“FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.”
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
“Where are you hurting?”, asked the Dr. “You have to help me, I hurt all over,” she said.
“All over? Be a little more specific” said the Doctor.
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled. “Ouch, that hurts.” Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, “That hurts, too.”
Then she touched her right earlobe, “That even hurts” she cried.
The Doctor looked at her thoughtfully for a moment and asked, “Are you a natural blonde?”
“Why, yes,” she said.
“I thought so,” said the doctor, “You have a broken finger.”
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town.
He’s going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, “OK jerk, I’ve heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person’s physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person … because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large … all in the name of humor.”
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up, “You stay out of this mister, I’m talking to that little bastard on your knee!”
Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to stand on the ladder and hold the bulb, and one to turn the ladder.
One day a blonde woman walks into a bar and sits down and pours out a bag of M&M’s, picks the brown ones out and eats the other colors.
The bartender comes up to her and asks why she was taking out all the brown M&M’s, she says, “I’m allergic to chocolate.”
A blonde decides to try horse back riding, even though she’s had no lessons nor prior riding experience.
She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into action, galloping along at a steady and rhythmic pace.
The blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror she grabs the horse’s mane but cannot seem to get a firm grasp. She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.
Finally giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse to get to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head strikes the ground over and over.
She is mere moments from passing out when the Wal-mart manager sees her and shuts off the horse.
One day Mr. Smith saw his blonde neighbor walk past his house with tire tracks on her back. He asked, “What happened to you?”
“Well” she said, ” the sign said do not walk so I crawled across the street and a car ran over me.”