Category: Blonde


The Blonde and the Cop

One day a blonde in a red corvette was driving down a road swirving all over the place. A cop saw her and pulled her over.

He said, “Miss, may I please see your license and registration?”

“What’s that?” said the blonde.

“Well, one you keep in your glove box and the other you keep in your wallet.”

“Okay.” After looking around for a while, she finds them and shows them to the cop.

“Will you please step out of the vehicle?” said the cop. He then draws a line on the sidewalk with chalk. He says, “Get in that circle and don’t get out until I tell you to.” So she gets in the circle and he starts looking around in the car. He accidentally dents it and she laughs.

He says,”What you think that’s funny?” She just keeps on laughing.

So he goes over and kicks the door to make an even bigger dent. She laughs even harder. So then he goes over to all the tires and pokes them with his pen to flatten them. She kept right on laughing. So, not knowing what she was laughing at, he goes over and smashes all the windows. She laughed longer and harder. He says,”My God! What’s the matter with you? I just wrecked your whole car and your laughing!”

The blonde says, “What you didn’t know was, the four times you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle.”

Ransom

One day there was a blonde in need of money. So she went to a playground and kidnapped a kid. She pulled him over by a tree and told the kid that she was holding him ransom for $10,000. She wrote a note that said she wanted $10,000 in a paper bag tomorrow by the tree. She put the note on the kid and sent him home.

The next day, sure enough there was a paper bag there by the tree. Inside was the $10,000 and a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow blonde?”

Blind Blonde

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?”

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I’m a 6′ tall, 200 lb black belt and blonde. The guy sitting next to me is 6’2″, weighs 225 pounds and he’s a rugby player and blonde. The fella to your right is 6’5″ pushing 300 and he’s a wrestler and blonde. Think about it, Mister.

You still wanna tell that joke?”

The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

The Blonde House Painter

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is o.k.

She replies, “Yes.”

He asks what she is doing.

She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat.

She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said …

“FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.”

Natural Blonde?

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.

“Where are you hurting?”, asked the Dr. “You have to help me, I hurt all over,” she said.

“All over? Be a little more specific” said the Doctor.

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled. “Ouch, that hurts.” Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, “That hurts, too.”

Then she touched her right earlobe, “That even hurts” she cried.

The Doctor looked at her thoughtfully for a moment and asked, “Are you a natural blonde?”

“Why, yes,” she said.

“I thought so,” said the doctor, “You have a broken finger.”

The Young Ventriloquist

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town.

He’s going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, “OK jerk, I’ve heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person’s physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person … because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large … all in the name of humor.”

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up, “You stay out of this mister, I’m talking to that little bastard on your knee!”