Category: Blonde


Car Trouble

A woman’s car breaks down on the Interstate one day, so the driver eases it over onto the shoulder. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Out jump two men in trench coats, who walk to the rear of the vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing themselves to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, one of the worst pileups in history of this highway occurs.

It’s not very long before a police car shows up. The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the driver of the disabled vehicle yelling, “What the h*** is going on here?”

“My car broke down,” says the lady, calmly.

“Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?” screams the cop.

“Those are my emergency flashers!” replied the blonde.

Blonde On A Date

A guy took a blonde out on a date. Eventually they ended up parked at a “lovers point” where they started making out. After things started getting pretty good, he thought he might get lucky, so he asked her, “Do you want to go in the back seat?” “NO!” she answered.

Okay, he thought, maybe she’s not ready yet. Now he has her shirt and skirt off, the windows are steamed, and things are getting really hot, so he asks again, “Do you want to go in the back seat?” “NO!” she answers again.

Now he has her bra off, they’re both very sweaty, and she even has his pants unzipped. Okay, he thinks, she HAS to want it now. “Do you want to go in the back seat?” he asks again. “NO!” she answers yet again.

Frustrated, he demands “Well, why not!” She answers, “Because I want to stay up here with you!”

Planeload of Blondes

A planeload of blondes was flying from California to New York in a four engine plane when the captain came on the intercom and said that there would be a 30 minute delay because one of the engines quit working. A little while later the captain came on again and said there would be a 60 minute delay because another engine quit working. Ten minutes later he came on again and said now we will be one hour and 30 minutes late due to the fact that the third engine stopped also.

Just then one blonde turned to another one and said, “Boy if that fourth engine quits we’ll be up here forever.”

Milk Blonde

This blonde heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, “I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?”

The blonde said, “I want 15 gallons. I’m going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath.”

The milkman asked, “Pasteurized?”

The blonde said, “No. Just up to my breasts.”

The Hail Storm

A blonde woman was driving her car home one night when she suddenly found herself in the middle of a real bad hail storm The hail stones were as big as golf balls. Her car got dented up real bad. The next day she took it to a repair shop. The repair guy was a little crazy and told her to blow into the tail pipe real hard when she got home, and the dents would pop out.

So when she got home she started blowing into the tail pipe, and her blonde girl friend saw her. Her friend was startled and said “what are you doing?”

What a Divorce

A judge was interviewing a blonde woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?” She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”

“No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?” “It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,” she responded.

“I mean,” he continued, “What are your relations like?” “I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents.”

He said, “Do you have a real grudge?” “No,” she replied, “We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.”

“Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?” “Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes.”

“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?” “Yes,” she responded, “about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.”

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?” “Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me.