Category: Body / Anatomy / Health


Milk Blonde

This blonde heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, “I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?”

The blonde said, “I want 15 gallons. I’m going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath.”

The milkman asked, “Pasteurized?”

The blonde said, “No. Just up to my breasts.”

Golf Lessons

A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.

The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, “No no, no, you’re gripping the club way too hard!”

“Well, what should I do?,” asks the man.

“Hold the club gently,” the pro replied, “just like you’d hold your wife’s breast.”

The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and POW! He hits the ball 250 yards straight up the fairway. The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can’t wait for her lesson.

The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, “No, no, no, you’re gripping the club way too hard.”

“What can I do?” asks the wife.

“Hold the club gently, just like you’d hold your husband’s penis.”

The wife listens carefully to the pro’s advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway. . . about 15 ft.

“That was great,” the pro says with a straight face. “Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing it like you’re supposed to!”

The Facelift

A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift. “Well,” says the doctor, “I can do the facelift, and then you’ll have to come back in six months for a follow- up.”

“Oh, no.” the woman replies. “I want it all done in one shot, I don’t want to have to come back.” The doctor thinks for a second, then offers, “There is a new procedure where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime you see wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which pulls the skin up, and they disappear.” “That’s what I want!” exclaims the lady. “Let’s do that.”

Six months later the lady charges into the doctor’s office. “Well, how’s the procedure holding up?” the doctor asks.

“Terrible!” the lady bellows. ” It’s the worst mistake I’ve ever made.”

“What’s wrong?” asks the doctor.

“Just look at these bags under my eyes!” she hollers.

“Lady,” the doctor retorts, “those aren’t bags, those are your breasts and if you don’t leave that screw alone, you’re going to have a beard!”

Breast Humor

[Finally, something other than smiley faces…. :)]

(o)(o) perfect breasts

( + )( + ) fake silicone breasts

(*)(*) high nipple breasts

(@)(@) big nipple breasts

oo a cups

{ O }{ O } d cups

(oYo) wonder bra breasts

( ^ )( ^ ) cold breasts

(o)(O) lopsided breasts

(Q)(O) pierced breasts

(p)(p) hanging tassels breasts

o/o/ Grandma’s breasts

( – )( – ) flat against the shower door breasts

|o||o| android breasts

($)($) Jenny McCarthy’s breasts

Gorilla Removal

A man walks out to his backyard one morning, looks up in his tree, and sees a gorilla. Not knowing what else to do, he goes inside and looks in the yellow pages, and, sure enough, there’s one entry under gorilla removal.

So he calls and talks to the owner of the business. The businessman says “Well, do you know if it’s a male or a female gorilla?” The homeowner says he thinks it’s a male. The businessman says “O.K., no problem, I’ll be right over.”

About 30 minutes later, a truck shows up at the man’s house, a guy gets out