Category: Body / Anatomy / Health


Airplane Restroom

A man in an airplane has to go to the bathroom really badly. He stands up to go over to the bathroom and tries to open the door. Its locked. He sits down and tries five minutes later. Its locked. He does this several times until one time one of the laides tells him to just go into the girls bathroom and that she would watch it for him. Before he walks in the lady said, “Make sure you don’t touch the atr button. No matter what.” So the guy says, “Sure, no problem.”

So he gets in there and sits down and starts doing his business. He see’s three buttons. The first button says ww. So he pushes it and a warm mist sprays his behind. He says, “that was pleasant lets try the next one.” He looks and it says, “p.” So he pushes it. A cool powder splashes up on him in the same spot. So he says, “this is great the atr button can’t be that bad.” So he pushes it.

He wakes up the next morning and asks, ” Where am I? That same lady is next to his bed and she says, “I told you not to push the atr button didn’t I.” He said, “yes, but all of the other buttons were fine. What was the atr button anyway?” She responded, “an automatic tampon remover.”

Blonde Mother

There was a red head, a brunette, and a blonde talking about their children. The red head said, “I am so dissappointed in my daughter. I walked into her room the other day and found a package of cigarettes on the ground … I can’t believe she smokes.”

The brunette said, “I know exactly how you feel. I walked into my daughter’s closet the other day and found an empty vodka bottle … I can’t believe she drinks.”

Then the blonde said, “I know exactly what both of you are talking about. I walked into MY daughter’s room and found an empty condom wrapper on the ground … I can’t believe she has a penis.”

Grab My Breasts

A woman went into a department store and told the clerk that she wanted to return a toaster for refund because it didn’t work. The clerk told her that he couldn’t give her a refund because she bought it on special.

All of a sudden the woman threw her arms up and yelled, “Grab my Breasts! Grab my breasts!”

The clerk didn’t know what to do, so he called the store manager who asked her if he can help.

She explained that she wanted to return the non-working toaster for refund, and he told her that he would not give her a refund because she bought the toaster on special.

Once again she yelled, “Grab my breasts! Grab my breasts!”

The manager was taken aback and asked her why she was yelling that particular phrase.

She replied, “Because I like my breasts grabbed when I’m getting screwed!”

Birth Pain

A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband’s blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50 percent.

The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch.

Increase the Size

Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.

Instead of characteristically telling her it’s not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

“If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds.

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.

“How long will this take?” she asks.

“They’ll grow larger over a period of years,” he replies.

The wife stops. “Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?”

“Worked for your butt, didn’t it?”

Sign of the Times

A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them.

When the bartender returned to him, the man asked how he had learned to use sign language. The bartender explained that these were regular customers and had taught him to speak in sign. The man thought that was great.

A few minutes later the man noticed that the people in the group were waving their hands around very wildly. The bartender looked over and signed “Now cut that out! I warned you!” and threw the group out of the bar.

The man asked why he had done that and the bartender said, “If I told them once I told them 100 times – NO SINGING IN THE BAR!”