Category: Gender


Flash Cards

A fifth grade teacher is told she must teach sex education to her class. She decides to use a math technique to teach the subject, and thinks flash cards will work well.

The next day in class, she holds up the first flash card, a picture of a breast, and asks “Does anyone know what this is?”

Sandy responds, “I know, I know! It’s a picture of a breast and my Mommy has two of them!”

The teacher says, “Very good Sandy, you get a star.”

The teacher grabs the next card and holds it up. It’s a picture of a penis. She asks, “Does anyone know what this is?”

Little Tommy says, “I know, I know! It’s a penis and my Daddy has two of them!!”

The teacher says, “Well, Tommy, it is a penis, but your daddy can’t have two of them.”

Tommy says, “Yes he does! He’s got a little one that he pisses out of, and a great big one that he brushes the babysitter’s teeth with!”

Beer Turns Men into Women

Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.

To test the finding, 100 men were fed six pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn’t drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.

What Women Say And What They Mean

I JUST NEED SOME SPACE.
… without you in it.

DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?
We haven’t had a fight in a while.

NO, PIZZA’S FINE.
… you cheap slob!

I JUST DON’T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW.
I just don’t want you as a boyfriend now.

I DON’T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
I can’t believe you have nothing planned.

I LIKE YOU, BUT…
I don’t like you.

OF COURSE I LOVE YOU.
… just not in that way.

I’LL BE READY IN A MINUTE.
…I’m ready, but I’m going to make you wait because I know you will.

OH, NO, I’LL PAY FOR MYSELF.
…I’m just being nice; there’s no way I’m going dutch.

What Kind Of Penis Do You Have?

What Kind Of Penis Do You Have? (or for the ladies … what’s your preference?)

The Absolut Vodka penis: It’s absolut’ perfection.
The Alkaseltzer penis: Pop, pop, fizz, fizz … Oh, what a relief it is…
The All-State penis: You’re in good hands.
The American Express penis: Don’t leave home without it.
The Andrex Penis: Soft, Strong, and very very long
The AOL penis: It’s so easy to use, no wonder it’s #1?
The AT&T penis: Reach out and touch someone.
The Avis penis: Trying harder than ever.

The Barq’s penis: the one with bite.
The beef penis: it’s what’s for dinner.
The Bud Lite penis: great taste, less filling.
The Barney penis: It says “I love you!”
The Beatles penis: Now a quarter smaller than it used to be.
The Beavis penis: Look! it’s changing color!
The Beef penis: It’s what’s for dinner.
The Bic Lighter penis: Go ahead flick my bic!
The Big Red penis: It’s longer with big red.
The Borden penis: It’s GOT to be good.
The Bounty penis: The quicker picker-upper.
The Budweiser penis: This bud’s for you!
The Burger King penis: Have it your way..
The Burger King penis: It takes two hands to handle a whopper.

The C&C music factory penis: Makes you go hmmmmm…
The California Lotto penis: Who’s next?
The Calloway Putter penis: It will improve your stroke.
The Cambells soup penis: Mmm mmm good!
The Captain Planet penis: Go PENIS!!
The Champion penis: The official penis of the ’96 U.S.A olympic team.
The Charmin double roll penis: It lasts longer because it is longer.
The Charmin penis: Don’t squeeze the penis!
The Chevy penis: Like a rock.
The Chips Ahoy penis: Betcha bite a chip. (huh?)
The Cinnamon Toast Crunch penis: Its the adult thing to do.
The Citibank visa penis: It’s everywhere you want to be.
The CNN Sports Illustrated penis: As interactive as you can get without
getting bruised.
The Cobain penis: It blows itself away.
The Coca Cola penis: Always the Real Thing.
The Crest penis: Recommended by 3 out of 4 dentists.

The Dairy Queen penis: Hot eats, cool treats (we treat you right)
The Dial penis: Aren’t you glad you use it? Don’t you wish everybody did?
The Diet Pepsi penis: You got the right one, baby.
The Diet Coke penis: Just for the taste of it…
The Dodge Neon penis: There’s a “lot more to love!”
The Domino’s Pizza penis: Delivers in 30 minutes or less!
The Doublemint penis: Double your pleasure, double your fun!
The Downey Penis: Come on Downey

The Extra penis: lasts an extra extra extra long time
The Energizer penis: It keeps going and going…
The Erricson Cell Phone penis: Whip out your little one.
The Equal penis: Tastes like Sugar.
The Excedrin penis: It’s tthhhhiiiiiiissss big.
The Extra penis: Lasts an extra extra extra long time!

The Flintstone’s Vitamins penis: 10 million strong and growing!
The Ford penis: The best never rest.
The Franks Red Hot Sauce penis: It’s the oooh without the ouch.
The Frosted Flakes penis: They’re GGGRRRRREEEAAATTT!
The Fruit-by-the Foot penis: Need I say more?
The FTD penis: Some of life’s best moments come FTD.

The General Electric penis: We bring good things to life!
The Generic penis: One size fits all.
The George of the Jungle penis: Watch out for that….tree?
The Gillette penis: The best a man can get.
The GMC Envoy penis: It’s the real mcCoy.
The GMC Yukon penis: Beautifully designed. Powerfully built. Genetically
engineered.

The Hardees Breakfast penis: Rise and shine.

The Insinkerator Disposal penis: The choice of 9 out of 10 professionals.

The Jell-O penis: Watch it wiggle, watch it jiggle…
The Jewel penis: Take a new look at an old friend.
The Jolly Green *Giant* penis: Self-explanatory
The Juicy Fruit penis: The taste is gonna move ya.
The Just For Men penis: A sure thing for a natural look.

The Kix penis: Kid tested, mother approved.

The Lays penis: Betcha can’t eat just one!
The Life penis: Mikey likes it.
The Life Call penis: It’s fallen and it can’t get up.
The Little Caesar’s penis: Penis!! Penis!! or Pleaser! Pleaser!
The Lucky Charms penis: It’s magically delicious!
The Luv’s penis: It’ll take a load off your mind.

The Mars Penis: A mars a day helps you work, rest and play.
The Matthew Sweet penis: 100% fun.
The Macintosh penis: It does more, it costs less, it’s that simple.
The Magnavox penis: Smart. Very Smart.
The McDonald’s penis: Over 10 billion served.
The McDonald’s penis: Have you had your break today?
The MCI penis: For friends and family!
The Men’s Healthy Magazine penis: It’s a perfect fit.
The MicroMachines penis: A whole world, in the palm your hand.
The Microsoft penis: Where do you want to go today?
The Milk penis: It does a body good!
The Miller Lite penis: Great taste, less filling.
The M&M penis: Melts in your mouth, not in your hand!
The Monty Python penis: “isn’t awfully nice to have a penis”
The Monty Python penis II: “Every sperm is sacred….”
The Mortal Kombat penis: Nothing can prepare you.

The NBA on TNT penis: Ever want something so bad it hurts?
The New York Lotto penis: Cause hey – you never know.
The Newport penis: It’s alive with pleasure.
The Nike penis: Just do it.
The Nintendo penis: Now you’re playing with power.
The Nuprin penis: Little, Yellow, Different.
The Nyquil penis: The nighttime coughing, sneezing,runny nose, itching,
burning, so you can’t rest penis.

The Payday penis: Its almost totally nuts!
The Phillips MOM penis: It’s always stimulant free.
The Pillsbury Flour penis: It comes plain or self rising.
The Pizza Hut penis: Makin’ it great.
The Pontiac penis: Built for kicks, Built for Keeps!
The Portofino Bay penis: Extraordinary. Exciting. Exceptional.
The Post Selects Cereal penis: Not everything that goes into “Post Selects”
fits.
The Power of Cheese penis: Just saying it is enough to make you smile.
The Pringles penis: Once you pop, you can’t stop…
The Psychic penis: It knows you are coming before you do..
The Purdue penis: More meat, less bone.

The Ragu penis: Comes out chunkier than the rest.
The Reach Toothbrush penis: It cleans hard to reach places.
The Reese’s penis: How do you eat your penis?
The Rice Krispies penis: what does your penis say to you?
The Right Guard penis: Anything less is uncivilized.
The Robitussin penis: Used by nine out of ten moms.
The Robutussin penis: Recommended by Dr. Mom…

The Sanka penis: Good to the last drop!
The Sears penis: Come see the softer side.
The Secret penis: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
The Sega penis: PENIS!
The Siskel & Ebert penis: 2 thumbs up…
The Slim Fast penis: Helps you loose weight, makes you feel great.
The Snickers penis: It satisfies you.
The Springmaid penis: Makes you snore like a lady.
The Sprite penis: Image is nothing… Taste is everything.
The Starburst penis: The juice is loose!
The Star Trek penis: To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before.
The Subaru All Wheel Drive penis: You can put it where the sun don’t shine.
The Sustecal penis : More protein, less fat!

The Taco Bell penis: Get some; make a run for the border!
The Timex penis: Takes a lickin and keeps on…….
The Tombstone penis: What would you like on your penis?
The Tootsie Roll Pop penis: How many licks DOES it take …?
The Toyota penis: I love what you do for me!
The Toyota penis: Oh,what a feeling.
The Transformers penis: It’s more than meets the eye.
The Twizzler penis: It makes mouths happy.

The Uncle Sam penis: We want you.

The Viagra penis: It lets the dance begin.
The Virginia Slims penis: You’ve come a long way, baby!

The Wendy’s penis: Where’s the beef?
The Wizard of Oz penis: “Oh my!”

The Yellow Pages penis: Let your fingers do the walkin.

Training Courses Now Available for Men

1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop
2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge
3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Wedding and the Funeral
4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead
5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum? – You CAN Tell the Difference!
6. Accepting Loss I: If It’s Empty, You Can Throw It Away
7. Accepting Loss II: If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator Won’t Bring It Back
8. Going to the Supermarket – It’s Not Just for Women Anymore!
9. Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In
10. Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the Electronics Came In
11. Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink
12. Bathroom Etiquette II: Let’s Wash Those Towels!
13. Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You’re About to Run Out of Toilet Paper!
14. Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 15-Year-Old Levis to the Goodwill
15. Retro, Or Just Hideous?: Re-examining Your ’70s Polyester Shirts
16. Knowing the Limitations of Your Kitchenware: No, The Dishes Won’t Wash Themselves
17. Romance: More Than a Cable Channel!
18. Strange But True!: She Really May NOT Care What “Fourth Down and Ten” Means
19. Going Out to Dinner: Beyond McDonald’s
20. Expand Your Entertainment Options: Renting Movies That Don’t Fall Under the “Action/Adventure” Category
21. Yours, Mine, and Ours: Sharing the Remote
22. “I Could Have Played a Better Game Than That!”: Why Women Laugh
23. Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let’s Clean the Closet
24. Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let’s Clean Under the Bed
25. “I Don’t Know”: Be the First Man to Say It!
26. The Gas Gauge in Your Car: Sometimes Empty MEANS Empty
27. Directions: It’s Okay to Ask for Them
28. Listening: It’s Not Just Something You Do During Halftime
29. Accepting Your Limitations: Just Because You Have Power Tools Doesn’t Mean You Can Fix It