How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
Depends on how thin you slice them.
How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
Depends on how thin you slice them.
What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
The tick stops draining you and drops off after you’re dead.
What is the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!
What do you call a lawyer whose gone bad?
Senator.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
Your honor.
A guy finds a magic lamp, rubs it, and out comes a Genie. The Genie gives the man 3 wishes, but ads the caveat that whatever he wishes for goes twice for lawyers.
“I wish to have 10 million dollars,” the man says. The Genie grants his wish and gives double the amount to all lawyers.
“I wish for a loving, sexy, beautiful woman who is eternally devoted to me.” The Genie grants his wish and gives two such woman to all lawyers.
After some pause the man begins to smile. Intrigued, the Genie asks,”What is your final wish, my Master.” The man replied, “I wish to donate a kidney.”
At the height of happy hour, a drunk stood up and yelled, “All lawyers are assholes.”
“Hey, I resent that,” a guy at the bar yelled back.
Why?” the first guy asked, “are you a lawyer?”
“No, I’m an asshole.”
What do you call 1000 lawyers chained together under the sea?
A good start.
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was hopping up and down with rage, complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
“Officer, look what they’ve done to my new BMW!!!”, he shrieked.
“You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!” retorted the officer, “You’re so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn’t even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!”
“Oh my Gaaad….”, replied the lawyer, looking down and noticing for the first time the bloody stump where his left arm had once been. “We gotta find it. It has my Rolex???!!!!!”
Do you know why is California over-populated with lawyers and New Jersey has too many toxic waste dumps?
New Jersey had first choice.