Texan Rescue

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it become her turn to get on the bus she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the bus’ first step. So, slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus to discover she still could not make the step. So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more. And for a second time she attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt. So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.

About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus. Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero, screeching at him…”How dare you touch my body!! I don’t even know who you are!!”

At this the Texan drawled “Well ma’am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends.”

Blind WalMart Associate

A woman goes into Walmart to buy her husband a rod and reel set. She doesn’t know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the cash register. There is a Walmart “Associate” standing there wearing dark sunglasses. The lady says, “Excuse me sir, can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?”

He says, “Ma’am, I’m blind, but if you will drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes.” She didn’t believe him, but dropped the rod and reel on the counter anyway. The cashier said, “That’s a 6′ graphite rod with a Penn 202 reel and 12 lb. Test line…it’s a good all-around rod and reel, and it’s on sale for $20.00.”

She says, “That’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it’s just what I’m looking for, so I’ll take it.” The cashier walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime, the woman farts.

At first, she is embarrassed, but then realizes that there is no way the cashier could tell it was her, being blind, he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around. He rings up the sale and says, “That will be $25.50, please, Ma’am.”

She says, “But didn’t you say it was on sale for $20.00?”

He replies, “Yes Ma’am, the rod and reel are on sale for $20.00, but the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink-bait is $2.50.”

Bill Clinton and the Pig

Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.

Bill told his driver to go up to the farm house and explain to the owners what had happened.

About 1 hour later Bill sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn. “What happened to you?”, asked Bill.

“Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the Cigar and his 19 year old daughter made mad passionate love to me,” said the driver.

“My God, what did you tell them?”, asks Clinton. The driver replies, “I’m Bill Clinton’s driver, and I just killed the pig.”

Gorilla Removal

A man walks out to his backyard one morning, looks up in his tree, and sees a gorilla. Not knowing what else to do, he goes inside and looks in the yellow pages, and, sure enough, there’s one entry under gorilla removal.

So he calls and talks to the owner of the business. The businessman says “Well, do you know if it’s a male or a female gorilla?” The homeowner says he thinks it’s a male. The businessman says “O.K., no problem, I’ll be right over.”

About 30 minutes later, a truck shows up at the man’s house, a guy gets out